Up The Pole

Apparently, an Irish slang term for being pregnant is "Up The Pole". That makes sense. I think the American term for this is "Up a Shit Creek" (pronounced crick). I find out on Thursday, St. Patrick's Day, if I'm having a boy or girl. I didn't schedule my appointment on St. Patty's Day on purpose, but I'm looking at it as an opportunity to be cute/clever with how I tell everyone what I'm having. (A limerick, maybe?) The only problem is that I'm so completely preoccupied with finding out that I can't concentrate on anything cute/clever. I'm rather annoyed with how preoccupied I am, actually. It's stupid. It doesn't matter what I'm having. The sex has already been determined, and I had nothing to do with it. Whatever I have, is what I'm supposed to have. This isn't any sort of religious thing for me. I'm not really a religious person, in the traditional sense. Spiritual, maybe, but not religious. One of the first times I held Jackson, in a room all by myself, in the middle of the night, he looked into my eyes and I got an overwhelming feeling of "it's okay Mommy, I picked you because you are the best Mommy for me" from him. I have a hard time explaining this without sounding like a crazy person, but it was a completely peaceful feeling. Like he was trying to tell me that everything was going to be okay. No matter what. Like, he had a wisdom about him. A calmness. We would have these little middle-of-the-night-bonding-moments quite often at first, and then less often after a while. And now any middle of the night moments with him are filled with a toddler chatting up a storm and mommy begging him to go back to sleep. Anyway, my point being, it doesn't matter if this is a baby boy or a baby girl. As a friend of mine often says "it is what it is". But that doesn't help me from having an overwhelming nervousness about finding out. I'm almost to the point of wanting to wait until the baby is here to find out. But that's not going to happen.

It also doesn't help that I'm not the only one that is excited at the possibility of having a girl. Eric has randomly been making "girl" comments like "I do think it would be really exciting to have a girl" or "I'd love to have one of each". And is being totally understanding about how I might feel to find out we are having another boy, which is kind of a big deal. I feared that he would think I'm being unreasonable or ungrateful if I feel any disappointment, but that's not the case at all. In fact, I think he will feel some disappointment as well.

I tend to write a lot when my mind is whirling, as it is now. So be on the look out for an exponential increase in blogs from me!