Tuesday, December 14, 2010

What I REALLY want for Christmas...

So, I decided to make a Christmas list for you, since I know you are dying to get me something, and I don't want you to waste your money on socks for me....again.

My 2010 Christmas list:

* A full night's sleep. Jackson hasn't slept through the night for several weeks now.

* A clean house, without me cleaning it.

* A quiet/unrushed meal.

* My sister and her husband and my dad, here for Christmas. It's been way too long since we've all been together for Christmas Day. (my mom is already going to be here, that's why she's not on the list)

* To use the bathroom without a two year old standing beside me, narrating.

* Well behaved, sweet dogs.

* A day of guilt free, and cost free pampering.

* A vacation. Like, a REAL vacation. Not visiting friends or family somewhere, but lounging on a beach, or site seeing in Italy, and Jackson at one of his Grandma's houses.

* A magical job where I can work OUT OF THE HOUSE and only on the weekends, so I don't have to pay for daycare. You'd think this would be easy to come by, given my college degree and charming personality, but apparently, companies expect you to work during the week too.

* Diamonds

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Happy Birthgiving!

Thanksgiving is a special holiday in our house. My husband is from a Jewish holiday celebrating family, and I am from a Christian holiday celebrating family. Thanksgiving is the one big holiday that we both celebrate. We also have other special memories tied to Thanksgiving, like marching in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when we were in our college marching band together. We told Eric's family we were expecting a baby when we were celebrating Thanksgiving at his parent's house. When we first moved out to Colorado from Ohio, we had our own little Thanksgiving in our little apartment. My mom flew out for it, and my cousin, her husband and their brand new born baby came. My sister and her husband had just moved to New York City and she was hosting a Thanksgiving dinner at her new place too. We were sending pictures back and forth and tried to make it like we were together for Thanksgiving, like we always have been. Every year since, we have always had Thanksgiving at our house. That first year we had company, but usually it was just Eric and me. We wouldn't go light on the feast, just because it was only two of us, either. We go all out. Every year. Even the years when we would be out of town for Thanksgiving day, we would always come back home and have our own Thanksgiving just the two of us. Then the two of us became the three of us. And, this year, we are hosting a real, honest to goodness, grown up Thanksgiving. Complete with ten hungry people. Eric's mom, dad, brother and brother's girlfriend are all flying in for the holiday. We are also having some family friend's over for the feast.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't just kinda host something. I go all out. I've already got the menu, place settings and timing all figured out. (Although I'm still not sure if I want to try frying a turkey for the first time this year....any suggestions?) But this year, as well as a few other years of my life, my
birthday falls on Thanksgiving day. I don't like it when my birthday is on Thanksgiving. No one notices it's your birthday when they are all on a triptophan high. My 21st birthday was on Thanksgiving. Hangovers and turkey don't mix. I don't expect a giant party every year, but a "happy birthday" or a "hey, let's go have a special dinner" is nice. Instead I get "Happy Thanksgiving, oh, is it your birthday too?!" and "Everything is closed today, so your birthday dinner is....turkey". But this year I'll make the most of it. I'm going to go out and buy myself a birthday cake (one that I don't have to make myself) and make everyone sing happy birthday to me, and maybe even wear funny hats. So there!

Monday, November 15, 2010

I can be bought

There is something that's been bugging me for a while now. There is a blogger that I started reading this past year. She is hilarious and a very popular blogger. But here is the problem. When I first started reading her blog she blogged about not being able to be bought. That companies were always approaching her to plug their product on her blog and she said she wouldn't do it because that's not why she blogs and she can't be bought. Well, since then, she has plugged product after product. She will even put that she was PAID to say that good stuff on her blog. As far as I'm concerned, that is being bought. I don't care in the slightest about her being bought. In fact, I want to be bought! I am totally for sale! Please, send me your products and I will totally talk them up on my blog. What bugs me is that she was all high and mighty about never selling out then within a couple months, she was totally doing it!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Here's the deal

I've gotten a lot of questions from friends and family about our move. Here's the situation. We had a LOT of interest in our house. A CRAZY amount of showings. Some people we thought would be really great tenants. Some of them I would NEVER let live in my house. It seemed, though that the people that we really liked, really liked our house, but there was always something wrong with it. It's not our actual house, it's the location of our house. I get that. It's the reason we want to move. It's on a busy street and it has a small yard. And then the people that we weren't so crazy about, wanted to move in right away. We kept at it though and continued showings. Then, I went to Ohio for three weeks. There was no way Eric could handle showings and his full time job. Having as many showings as we had IS a full time job. So, we took the for rent sign out of our yard. We stopped advertising. Being that we own several other rental properties, we understand rental cycles and know that from now until the new year is the worst possible time to try to rent a house. People rarely voluntarily move over the holidays. If they are moving, it's usually because they HAVE to move. (i.e. getting kicked out of another place) And people who HAVE to move aren't really the kind of tenants we are looking for. So, we are putting it on hold. The house that we were planning on moving into is still available, even though I have told him numerous times that he should continue to advertise and not to count on us moving in. (They are wishy washy about renting it out anyway, and are getting some construction done on it now) Maybe, after the new year, if we are still wanting to move, we'll try again. If the house we were planning on moving to is still available, we'll move there. If not, we'll find something else.

I feel like things happen for a reason. I'm not sure what the reason is that's keeping us here, but when and if we are supposed to move, I know it will happen.
There are a lot of really great reasons to stay here too. I really love our house from the walls in. And I really love our neighbors. Fortunately, we are in a position where we have the choice to stay or go, which I am really grateful for!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

What I learned on my fall vacation:

I've been home from Ohio for about a week and a half now. I went with Jackson for three weeks. We went to Toledo for a few days, down to Columbus, over to Athens, down to Huntington WV-ish, over to Cincinnati, back up to Columbus, and finally up to Canton. I had a wonderful time visiting everyone and showing Jackson the different places his Mommy grew up. I learned a lot about my little guy too.

1) His behavior is much better for other people. He would be just fine, until I walked in the room, and then he would start whining and crying. I know it's because he spends 99% of his life with me, and he is an only child, but it's still frustrating nonetheless.

2) He is a night owl, just like his Mama. He would easily stay up until midnight every night, if I let him. (I often let him on this trip)

3) He will not, will NOT, go to sleep until he is ready. Most nights he sat in his little pack and play for several hours before going to sleep.

4) He likes older women. A few people we visited have older 3-5 year old girls. Older girls love to boss little boys around and he loved to be bossed around. He would just follow them and do whatever they said. I encouraged this, as we all know, the sooner he learns the "just do whatever your girl says" lesson, the better off he will be.

5) He is drawn to male figures. Whenever there was a man around, that's who he wanted to play with. Probably because they throw him in the air better than me (Uncle Ryan) or fly airplanes better than me (Grandpa and Uncle Josh) or shoot hoops better than me (Nate). Interestingly enough, none of them seemed to be around when it was time to change a poopy diaper.....

Monday, November 8, 2010

grocery shopping, celebrity chefs and Zac Brown

Okay...I'm back.
Man, it's been a long time since I've blogged. I was in Ohio for three weeks and then completely immersed in a jewelry and holiday show that I had this past weekend. I'm so over being out of whack that I don't even want to talk about the trip or the show right now. I'll talk about it eventually, when I'm not so tired of talking about it. (I know...ME, tired of talking?!)

So, instead I'll tell you about my trip to Walmart yesterday. I actually got to go grocery shopping BY MYSELF yesterday. Most people wouldn't actually want to go grocery shopping at all, with or without company, but 99% of my life I have a two year old attached to my leg, crying for attention. So any chance I get to do anything by myself, I happily take it. So, I'm in the deodorant aisle, sniffing different men's deodorant, because Eric told me to get him some deodorant that smells good and is cheap, and I look over and RIGHT next to me is Zac Brown (from Zac Brown Band) crouching down getting a bulk amount of Dial soap. I'm staring at him for an uncomfortable amount of time until he finally notices me staring. He looks at me and smiles awkwardly and then walks away with his soap. So, I do what any rational person does, and I follow him. (He is a really fast walker, BTW) He turns and goes into the grocery department and it's time for me to check out so I get in line. This is the portion of my grocery shopping that I like to call "if some famous celebrity healthy chef came and looked in my grocery cart, would I be totally humiliated with what's in it?" This time around, I'm rather proud of what's in the cart. I'm loading the groceries on the belt and the man in front of me starts to laugh. "OMG, is he actually a famous chef and is laughing at my choices?" Then he finally speaks up and says "you can really tell the difference between a man and a woman by what they are buying". In front of him on the belt is beef jerkey and a pack of gum. I laugh back at him and he says "they didn't have what I was looking for, so I got this instead". What on Earth could he have been looking for that beef jerkey and gum could replace? I'm still totally distracted this whole time though, keeping my eye out for Zac. I check out and as I'm walking to the exit, I see him getting in line. Okay, I need a picture. How can I take a picture without looking like a total dork? I can't. I'll just look like a total dork and it will still be totally worth it. So, I go out to the red box machine and pretend to be looking for a movie, all the while, I have the camera in the ready position on my phone and one eye on Zac. He finally checks out is walking my way. I hold up my phone and snap a quick picture! Got it!
He does catch me taking a picture of him as he gets closer, but he must be used to it by now. He IS totally famous, after all. So, I get home and post the pic to facebook and look online for pictures to prove that I actually saw him. Come to find out, they are playing a show in Kansas City and there is no way that was Zac Brown.


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Space bags! Watch out! (to the tune of the Space Balls song)

I like to organize. I like to compartmentalize. Call me what you will. Whatever. It makes me feel calm and comfortable. I'm going on a trip. A three week trip. With my two year old son. Staying at seven different places. SEVEN. This makes me anxious. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad to be visiting everyone. I'm choosing to visit everyone. I love everyone I'm visiting. And, in actuality, it really will be nice being in charge of nothing but the clothes in our suitcases and my son. But living out of a suitcase and uprooting Jackson every few days isn't fun. So, I'm doing what I can to make it as organized as possible.
Here is typically what happens when I pack for a trip:

1) About a month out, I'll start thinking about things I might want to take. I'll take extra precaution not to spill spaghetti sauce on those items that I really want to bring.

2) About a week out I'll start organizing the clothes and doing laundry. This week before traveling is typically not my prettiest week, as I am saving all of my "good clothes" for the trip.

3) If Jackson is traveling with me, I'll start to organize his clothes a couple days out, making sure everything is clean and fits. This trip, when organizing his clothes, I realized that he has no pants that fit. (Poor guy is so thin that in order for his pants to fit him in the waist, they are high waters on him......thank God for adjustable waistbands!) It's still warm here, and he has been in shorts up until now, but he will need pants for the trip, so I hit up the clearance section of Babies-R-Us and stocked up on some winter pants.

4) The day before the trip is when my plan starts to crumble. All of the organizing that I have gone through goes out the window when I actually start to pack. Now that all of my laundry is actually clean I find random shirts that I really like and throw them in the suitcase as well. Never mind the fact that it doesn't actually go with anything else I'm bringing. It's my third favorite cardigan, so I'm sure I'll find some use for it....right?

Well, that's not going to happen this time! In comes the closet app on my phone!

Why didn't I think of this? It is an app to organize your clothes. You take pictures, put them in categories, and can even make outfits and assign those outfits to a calendar day! This is extra great for the kind of packer I am. If it's not included in one of my outfits and assigned to a calendar day, it doesn't go in the suitcase. I even did one for Jackson!

I won't assign his little outfits to the calendar. (Probably. Maybe. Well, if I don't get too bored on the plane) But what I have done in the past and am doing this time (and have already done, actually) is take all of his premade outfits and put them each in an individual ziplock baggie, socks included...those are the hardest to track down when you travel. That way, each morning, we just grab a little bag. This is especially helpful when visiting grandmas. "Here Gramma, these are his clothes for the day. I'm gonna go get in the shower" And besides, I'll squeeze the air out of the bags and save room in his suitcase! Now, you'd think that we should be all set, as far as packing goes. And we pretty much are, when it comes to clothes, but I still have to fit Jackson's pillow, his blanket, and his stuffed bear that's bigger than him (all three of those things he can't sleep without.....trust me, we've tried!), my pillow (my only requirement for me while traveling) 30 future funker shirts, a tivo system that I bought for my mom, some Melaleuca products and some Smart Mom jewelry for my mother in law, and a plethora of baby hats I'm returning to a friend. Two words: SPACE BAGS........ Sigh.....

Monday, October 4, 2010

Project 365

Here we go again! I came across an idea tonight. "Project 365". This is where you take a picture a day, for a year. I thought this was a great idea! I have an excellent camera that takes excellent pictures and I'm only a mediocre photographer. I would love to be a great photographer, and the best way to do this is to practice. So, for the next year, I'm going to do my best to take a picture a day. It might be of something I'm doing, someone I'm with, or just represent my mood or thoughts.

I'll post them to my flicker account here.

She's Crafty

I like to create. Some might call it crafting. I feel a little young to call myself a "crafter" but I guess, in reality, that's what I am. I knit. I sew. I screen print. I paint. And now I can add "Silver Smith" to my arsenal of crafts. People always tell me that I'm creative. I guess they are right. I can be creative, but usually it's just that I'm really good at seeing other people's ideas and running with it, adding my own personal touches. The other day, I stumbled on a jewelry website. I saw some pieces of silver jewelry that really caught my eye. They had a very rugged and organic look to them, (and a very high price tag) and they were personalized, which is something I always like to include in my crafts. I thought "I wonder if I could do that". So, I asked Google how to make silver jewelry. I found out that there this new stuff out there called silver clay. You mold it, like clay, let it dry, then fire it in a kiln. Sounds easy enough. I mean, I've never ever used clay before, unless you count Play Dough, and I don't actually have a kiln, but how hard could it be? I'm crafty, right? So I did a ton of research and found out exactly what I do and don't need to make my own silver jewelry, and I placed my order. I found out that you don't need very many tools. Mostly just your hands and a few household items will do. The kiln was a little trickier. I found an even newer kind of clay that can be fired at very low heat (relatively speaking) and can be done in a mini kiln, of sorts. It's mostly just a fancy ceramic pot that you put ethanol in the bottom and your jewelry on the top and let the sucker burn. I placed my order and impatiently waited 5-7 days for it to come in the mail. In the mean time, I did a ton of research.

When I came back from running errands on Friday, my package was waiting for me! The first chance I got, which was Saturday night, I got started. I knew that the clay would dry extremely fast and I would need to work quickly, so I set up my silver command center at the kitchen table and got to work. I was feeling pretty good and hopeful, until I opened up the container of clay and found an amount of clay about the size of a quarter in there. Hmmmmmm......I know silver is expensive, but jeesh! Disappointing, yes, but I wasn't going to let that ruin my new craft experience. So, I got the clay out and started working with it. Perhaps I should have practiced on some ceramic clay first? This was not as easy as I had hoped, but I did, finally, get something similar to what I was hoping for. I let the piece dry, with the help of my hair dryer and then got out my sand paper to do some last minute adjustments to the piece before firing it. Once the sand paper came out, it really started looking good! By now, it's late and Eric is already in bed. I asked him to stay awake while I fired the silver, because, according to the directions, I should have a responsible adult do it. But the responsible adult in our house was upstairs snoring away, so I was on my own. I fired up the mini kiln and patiently waited. It took about 15 minutes for all of the ethanol to burn off. By now, my house smelled like a keg party, because of all of the ethanol. Once the silver cooled enough to touch it, I took it out and started buffing it clean. (One of the more gratifying steps of the process, I must say) After making it perfectly shiny and clean, I noticed that the letters I had stamped in the pendant weren't really standing out. They were the same silvery color as the rest of the piece. I found the others online that I liked and realized that their letters were tarnished on the inside, while the outside of the piece was shiny. SO, I went back to google and ask it how to tarnish silver. I did all of the work, just to drop it in a cup of bleach and watch it turn black!! Really really black. And my little silver polishing cloth wasn't getting the tarnish off at all. So, I went back to google again and asked it how to polish silver with household items, since I don't have any silver polish. (Google knows everything) Lots of buffing and baking soda later, plus making some charms with beads, I had a piece that looked really close to the original one I found on the internet a couple weeks back!

I made another piece last night with the leftover clay from the first pendant. It turns out that you really don't need that much silver clay per project.

Oh, by the way, I'm selling these on my etsy site, if you want me to make you one too!


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

For all renters......you're welcome.....

As a rental property owner/manager, I've seen lots of interesting people come through perspective rental homes. We own everything from a 60K condo to a 450K single family home, and I've gotta say, stupidity crosses all socioeconomic boundaries. Stupid people never cease to amaze me. So, speaking from personal experience, I have written a "how to" (so to speak) for renters.

Dear Perspective Renter of ANY RENTAL PROPERTY EVER,

The following is a list of dos and donts when viewing a property/interviewing with a landlord:

* DON'T comment on how clean the house is compared to the one you are currently living in. Owner: "Sorry about the mess in the office, we are going through some paperwork before moving." Perspective renter: "Oh, this is nothing! You should see my place.".....yeah.....don't do that.

*DO keep control of your kids for the very short period of time you are viewing the property.

*DON'T show up late

*If you are going to show up late, DO call first

*If there is a "no pet" policy, DON'T ask if the landlord can make an exception for your great dane.

*DO shop in your price range. You are just wasting everybody's time by looking at a house you can't afford.

*DON'T waste people's time. It pisses them off.

*DO follow up after a showing. If the owner/manager took time to show you the property, the least you can do is let them know when you've found something else.

*DON'T be ambivalent. Seriously. It's a rental. For one year of your life. JUST MAKE A DECISION OH MY GOD!

*DO be honest and upfront.

*DON'T over share. Your perspective landlord really doesn't want to hear about your prostate cancer and how everything is in "working order" now.

*DO be polite.

*DON'T be the creepy guy that hits on random property managers.

*If you are viewing the property for the second time, DO make sure the house is in your price range. I know I already said this one, but seriously....you are just wasting everyone's time twice by seeing a house out of your price range...twice.

* DON'T show up to a showing in Denver wearing a Charger's jersey. That is grounds for immediate ejection from the house.

*If you DON'T speak English, DO stop talking in Spanish after I've told you I don't speak Spanish. I can't tell you how many times people have asked me if I speak Spanish, I say no, and then they continue on talking in Spanish. Isn't the word "no" the same in both languages?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

My son

When I found out I was pregnant, I went into the doctor's office and they ordered up a full set of blood work, like they do for every expecting mom. By the time the results came back, I was about 7 weeks along. The results came back showing that I had severe hypothyroidism. The doctor had me retested, just to be sure, since I wasn't showing any of the signs of most hypothyroid people, and by the time I went in, got the blood work done again, waiting for the results to come back (which had the same results), went back to the doctor for a consultation and got my prescription filled, I was about 8 weeks along. By this time, I had done plenty of research on the internet about the effects of having untreated hypothyroidism during pregnancy. The things I read ranged from kids being practically brain dead, to having a slightly lower IQ than they would have had otherwise. I also read that after the first trimester, the baby has it's own thyroid and produces it's own hormones. But, until then, the baby is solely relying on Mommy's thyroid hormones. Well, that's good. I was only 8 weeks along and I had already started taking my medicine. The problem was, it takes 4 weeks for the medicine to start working the way it should. After doing some basic math (that can be pretty difficult for pregnancy brain) I calculated that my baby would get one week of the hormones he needed, instead of twelve.

I really didn't stress about this too much. I knew that, no matter what, my baby would be great, and I really wasn't worried about his IQ being a few points lower. I mean, his daddy is a freakin' rocket scientist! I'm sure he can spare a few points.

So, now I have this amazing two year old, that is, in no way, brain dead. I doubt that his IQ is even lower. But I can't help but compare him to his little friends. I know. I know. I should never compare my kid to other kids, and I really don't make a habit of it. But sometimes, in a moment of weakness, I'll find myself doing it. Jackson had his little neighbor friend over today, who is, essentially the same age as him. His friend was playing with a toy that sang the ABC song, and he was singing right along! I couldn't believe it! Jackson calls them the BBB's and only knows the ending phrase letters. The rest are just B's. "B B B B B B GEEEEE, B B B B B B B B PEEEEEE, B B ESSSSSSS, B B VEEEEEE, B EXXXXXX, B AND ZEEEEE!" It's absolutely adorable, and I have no doubt that he will learn the actual letters sooner rather than later. But, when I see a little boy his age, and he knows all of the letters, I can't help but feel like it's my fault that Jackson doesn't know all of the letters too. I even told Eric at dinner tonight that I thought we should be working on the alphabet more with Jackson. So, after dinner, we all sang the alphabet song about twenty times.

Yesterday, we hosted a neighborhood party at our house. Another neighbor said that she heard her son (who is also the same age as Jackson) count, by himself, all the way to 13. Another mom said that her son can only count to 10. Jackson? He can only count to 5....on a good day. Usually he just says 1,2,3 GO! (It's so darn cute when he does it though) Looks like I've failed as a mom again. Potty training? Nope! Not even close. In fact, I think he rather enjoys crapping in his diaper.

But here is where MY son stands above the rest. He is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle two year old boy I know. He happily shares his toys. He always says please and thank you. He plays nice with his friends. He has an excellent jump shot. And he is the best hugger on the face of the earth....seriously.....he even makes the grunty/squeezy noise when he hugs you.

He is so perfectly perfect, I couldn't ask for a better son. And he will learn to count, and say his ABCs and know his colors, and start to read, and do math, and go to school. And before I know it he won't be my little boy anymore, and I'll wish he still said his BBBs. So, whenever I see a little one his age, who is doing something that he doesn't know how to do yet, I'll stop myself, and get an extra long hug from the best hugger on the face of the earth.....seriously.....

Thursday, September 23, 2010

If you think I'm offensive,

you should see my two year old. My son came out of the womb flipping the bird.
He has always favored his middle finger. Even ultrasound pictures show him with his middle finger up. Here he is, just two weeks old. Isn't he adorable?
It didn't stop at 2 weeks though. It continued even after his first birthday

And his second birthday

He points with his middle finger.

He pushes buttons with his middle finger.

He even dances with his middle finger!

It's not just his bird flipping that is offensive though, it's his derogatory language too! Eric and I never use the terms that he uses, and he doesn't know that he is saying things wrong, but he regularly does. For starters, he can't say his "L" sound. So, his cousin Lily is "Yiyi". He "yoves" us, and Big Bird is the color "yeyyow". It's super cute until he shouts out that he sees a flag, with his middle finger up in the air, in public, and says "fag!" The other night, before bed, he was looking out the open window and shouts out the window "goodnight fag!" to a neighbor's house with a flag in front. We've tried to tell him that it's not a nice word, but without being able to say his "L"s he just doesn't understand why he can't say "flag". I must admit, though, it was pretty damn funny when I was watching this video and he saw it and started pointing to the OSU band and cheerleaders and saying "fags! fags!". "Yes, honey. That's right" is all I can say.

He also has a hard time with the "R" sound. Forks are "fucks". Which really sticks out when he says it in a restaurant. He also tends to say the dominant sound in a word first. A waffle is a "fadda". Pizza is "zippa", and for some reason the word basement he says as "midget". Sigh.....

Monday, September 20, 2010

What to do about Red?

Okay, I need your help. I'm in another predicament and I'm not sure what to do. A few years ago I started getting emails from a guy named "Red". Now, you should know, I don't know anyone named Red. I figured it was spam, and tried to block it over and over. The emails were all silly forwards. Stupid old people jokes, but they were addressed to ME. Like he knew me. It wasn't causing too much trouble, even though I was getting about 10 of them a day, I'd just delete them and go on checking my email. Every once in a while, I'd get a terrible forward. Making fun of gay people, or blacks, or Mexicans, or Obama (I get LOTS of those). It would piss me off, but that's what the delete button is for. Well, now I'm starting to get personal emails from him. Ones directed to his close family and friends about how he is battling lung cancer and he and his wife are selling their house because her health is bad too. I keep getting these updates. (There house went under contract in about two weeks and he's having surgery the beginning of November, then they will move into an assisted living facility.) Here's my problem. I've been getting these emails for so long, it would be so awkward to tell him that I'm not who he thinks I am. Almost like I've been eavesdropping on his life for the last three years. But if I don't tell him he must think the Michele Best that he thinks he is emailing is a total bitch to not respond to his ailment and troubles.

What should I do?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Oh Crap....

And I'm not talking about the backlash from posting my "I Hate OSU" video on You Tube. (Although OSU folks are taking it rather personally) No, it's not the video. I have a much bigger issue right now. I have agreed to do a dualthon with a friend. This is a run-bike-run race. And it's in less than two weeks. TWO WEEKS! She said she was looking for someone to do it with her. Now, keep in mind, that I don't run. Ever. I run if someone is chasing me. Or if Jackson's ball rolls into the street. That's all. I hate running. And I haven't ridden a bike since before I was pregnant with Jackson. So, why did I agree to this? A momentary lapse of judgement, perhaps? I don't do drugs, so I know it wasn't that. I've always looked at running as something I can't do. I've never understood marathon runners and how they can possibly run so far and for so long. I've always told myself that if I could run a marathon, I could do anything. Literally anything. I've always daydreamed about how proud I would feel if, after all these years of telling myself I can't do it, I did do it. This race is far from a marathon or triathalon. It's a 2 1/2 mile run and a 6 1/2 mile bike. Something most runners would scoff at. But still. If I can do this, perhaps I could run a 5K. And if I could run a 5K, perhaps I could run a half marathon. And if I could run a half marathon, maybe, someday, I could run a full marathon. Maybe I will find that I actually enjoy running. So, this is something that I am doing for me. To prove that I can. If I have to walk, then I'll walk, but I will finish it and I will push myself as hard as I can to finish as fast as I can.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Why I hate Ohio State

I really hate Ohio State. Really. So, I made a video blog about why. Now, if you are an Ohio State fan, don't go getting all sensitive on me. This doesn't mean I hate YOU, it just means I hate a team you root for. Chill.

Ohio fans, enjoy!


Friday, September 10, 2010

I'm SO okay....

Wow! August 26th is the last time I blogged. That's 15 days. 15 DAYS! I'm such a blog slacker. It's also been 14 days since I watched other kids. I don't think this is a coincidence that I've stopped blogging since stopping watching kids. Although I haven't been overly busy, I haven't been confined to the house either. Almost every day, I've gone out. Gone to a friend's house. Gone shopping. Gone to the park. Whatever. And even on those days that I haven't gone out, I'm much happier because it's my choice to stay in and not something I have no control over. (Have I mentioned I'm a bit of a control freak?) My mind has also been occupied lately with our move. We are still in our big, expensive house, but we've had lots of showings and I'm still hopeful that the move will happen. I'm SO ready to start fresh. Scale down. Live a new, more simple life. I'm selling so much at our garage sale. Furniture, dishes, clothes. You name it, I'm probably going to try to sell it. Some of it will be replaced with new things, and some we will just do without. And I'm so okay with that.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

There is nothing funny about having vertigo

There is nothing funny about having vertigo. There is, however, something very funny about watching someone who has vertigo. It's like watching a wasted teenager try and act sober in front of their parents. I've been a train wreck lately. I went to bed Tuesday night feeling a little dizzy. I assumed it was low blood sugar, or I was too tired, or something. Well, I quickly realized there was something more going on when I woke up Wednesday morning, stood up, and fell over. I managed to take a shower, holding on the the walls the whole time. When I got out of the shower I stumbled over to Eric and asked him to take a sick day to take care of me and the boys. (There was no way I could drive myself to the doctor.) He reluctantly agreed, thinking that I was exaggerating my condition. In actuality, I think I was downplaying how bad I really felt. I had Christopher too, so that meant both boys for Eric to take care of. I called the doctor and made an appointment right away. We got the boys ready and Eric drove me to the hospital, where my doctor's office is. Since it was so early, I got in quickly and she took one look in my ears and said there was tons of fluid in them. She gave me a prescription to help with the dizziness and told me to take sudafed around the clock to dry me out. Both of the medicines together knocked me out, but I did feel less dizzy and was able to eat and someone continue on with my life. Since then the dizziness has come and gone and I've slept more than I have in a very long time.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Four More Days....

When Jackson was about eleven months old I started thinking about how I could make some extra money. The most obvious thing to do was to watch kids out of the house. I have my degree in early childhood education, was a teacher for years and I'm home, taking care of Jackson anyway, so what's the big deal adding more kids? I quickly found some kiddos to watch. It kind of fell in my lap. The boy across the street needed new daycare, and a little girl who used to go to his daycare needed new care too. It was easy money. Or so I thought. I started watching all three of them and quickly got them on the same schedule. They got along moderately well, and it really wasn't three times as hard as watching one. I just made more of the lunch I'd make Jackson. I'd have to put three kids to bed instead of one, which could be difficult, but they were all good sleepers, so I usually got a break. I had to change three times the diapers. There's no way to make that easier. I just changed a lot of diapers. But here was the problem. I was miserable! When it was just Jackson and I, we would go out almost every day. We'd meet friends for playdates, or story time. We'd go shopping. We'd just get out! Now, I was trapped at home. Trapped with no mental stimulation. Trapped with nothing to do but think about how miserable I was. In all honesty, I think this past year of my life has been the hardest year of my life, mentally. I've made lots of progress, but I still think that watching kids is not a good choice for me. First of all, it doesn't pay for shit. I could work at McDonald's and make more money an hour than watching kids. It's simply not worth my time and stress it brings me. Also, watching kids is hindering me from going full force on what it is I really want to be doing with my life, selling real estate. But here's the problem. I can't not pull in income on a regular basis. Real estate pays really well, when you can get it, but you never know when you are going to get it, so I need to find a way to either make money or save money on a regular basis to make real estate work. That's where the move comes in. We will save enough money by moving that I can focus on where I want my career to go and still be with Jackson. Now, I only have childcare income for the next four days. The kid I watch starts his new daycare next Monday. They had to start then to get a great financial incentive. I don't blame them. So now I need to find a renter for our house and get moved into the new place. I need this to work out. I need to not watch kids anymore. I need my real estate career to take off. So, please, send me your business. I promise I'll take good care of you. It's what I love doing!

Friday, August 20, 2010

How I am like Rex on Toy Story

So, I've seriously seen Toy Story 1 and 2 eleventeen billion times in the past couple months. My son is obsessed with it. Usually it's just playing in the background and he's not actually sitting and watching it. He's playing while it's playing. But that means that I'm listening to it. I've decided that the character I'm most like is Rex. Here's why:

*I think he is so funny, but he doesn't think he's funny. He's just being himself. People tell me I'm funny. I don't think I'm funny, I just say what I'm thinking and sometimes those thoughts make other people laugh.

*He's got a great moral compass and is a rule follower.
That's totally me and I get so disturbed when other people don't have that moral compass. For instance, in toy story 2, Rex finds the "how to defeat Zurg" magazine at Al's toy barn. He get's really annoyed when he finds out that the only way to defeat Zurg is to buy the magazine. "It's extortion!" he says. (I totally agree Rex!) And when they are driving the pizza truck to the airport Rex gets upset when they park in a white zone. "We can't park here! It's a white zone!" Nevermind the fact that they just stole a car, Rex. That would be me. I'd steal a car, then follow all the driving laws.

*He hates confrontation. I hate confrontation. In Toy Story 1, when Woody pushes Buzz out the window the other toys ask Rex if he believes Woody that he didn't mean to push him out the window. His response? "Yes! No! I don't like confrontation!" Now, don't get me wrong. If someone challenges my moral compass I will fight to the death, but, in general I'll do whatever it takes to avoid it.

*He is fiercely loyal. He is willing to go out of his comfort zone to help a friend. I'd like to think I'd do the same if any of my friends were kidnapped and sold to the Konishi Toy Museum in Tokyo.

*He has an innocence about him. Okay, I realize that after reading about my waxing experiences you might not think that I'm overly innocent. And I'm really not that innocent, but I do think I have an innocence about me. I think when people first meet me, they think I'm a "goody-two-shoes". Chelsea Handler even told me she thought I was a goody-two-shoes one time. (Isn't EVERYONE innocent compared to her though?) And I do think I have a genuine innocence about me too. It doesn't take much to make me happy and I find joy in the
small things in life.

So, which Toy Story character are you most like?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Galoshes and aprons....

So, I have this image in my head of what life will be like living in the wilderness. And, being the good Seymour-girl I am, I have visions of what I should wear. For some reason, my visions include cute aprons and rain boots. (It doesn't rain that much here, it's just part of my vision) Maybe not at the same time....maybe at the same time. So last night I made a cute apron. I'm no cobbler, so I ordered my rain boots from Target. They will be here in about a week..... I realize that the way I'm picturing things isn't always reality, but since I'm just stuck here, waiting for the perfect renter to rent our house, sewing and daydreaming makes me feel better in the mean time.

Monday, August 16, 2010

A waxing update:

So, yesterday it had been three weeks since I first tried my hand at waxing. I've gotta say, I've never had such a reaction to a blog. Even my dad said asked me to email him a copy so he could share it with friends. Yeah, not at all awkward.... But people were asking me all kinds of questions, like did it really hurt that bad? Yes. Did I like the results? Yes. Would I do it again? That depends. Would I do what I did before again? No. But I would do it again in a less hairy state. They say that the more you wax, the thinner and more sparse it grows in. So, it has been three weeks. The first two weeks, I was hairless. It was awesome. No razor burn. No bumps. No hair. The third week it started growing back, but much less dense and thick. Honestly, if you stood back about 10 feet and squinted, you might not have even been able to see the hair at all. So I decided last night that I was going to wax it again, before it got too unmanageable. And I've gotta say, I don't have a funny story, because it was no big deal! Really! It was over and done in about 45 minutes, and I didn't even have to get drunk to do it! I'm not even sore today. So, my advise for anyone thinking of trying this at home? Get it done by a professional the first time, then do it yourself every 3 or 4 weeks, or however long it takes to grow out but still be manageable.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Why I have short hair...

I have short hair. I've had short hair for the last 12 years, with a few bouts of trying to grow it out. People have asked me before why I have short hair. It all started the summer before my sophomore year in college. I was in the marching band in college and when we were in uniform (which was a lot), we either had to french brain it and have it completely under our hats, or cut it so the back of your hair didn't touch the back of your uniform's collar. After one year of french braiding my hair constantly, I decided to cut it. I'm SO glad I did. First of all, it made being in uniform a lot easier and more comfortable, but I also really liked the way it looked. I have a thin face, and when I have long hair, it makes my face look really long. The short hair balanced out my face a little better. Well, I've been out of college for a long time, but I still have my short hair. Why? It's certainly not the popular look. Most guys don't find girls with short hair attractive (not that I'm seeking that out or anything). It's not easier to take care of (waking up with bed head every morning and having to get it cut every 6 weeks). I have short hair because it looks good on me and suits me and my personality. I think it takes a special person to be able to pull off short hair. You have to be confident to have short hair. You can't hide with short hair. Kind of like when a guy shaves his head. You have to be pretty confident to pull it off. There is no hair to hide your face. You are exposed. Out there for everyone to look at.

So, I haven't gotten my hair cut since June. That's a very long time for me. I've trimmed it myself, just to keep it growing in a somewhat acceptable manner. I'd love to try out having long hair for a bit, before wasting my time growing it out, but I know that extensions would make me look like Dog the Bounty Hunter, so I'll have to do it the old fashion way. I love the idea of being able to pull it back and get it out of my face. I chase around a two year old all day, everyday. Easy sounds nice. And I'm ready for a new look, but here's the problem: I'd hate that I'd have hair like everyone else's. I like being different. I've always liked being a little different. If I do go through with trying a new look for my hair, I guess I'll have to find another way to be different looking. Any suggestions?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Confessions of a hoarder....

Hello. My name is Michele, and I'm a hoarder. Well, not in the traditional sense, but I am a t shirt hoarder. So, we are working on downsizing our house, and that means that I've been going through the clothes in my closet, since that is going to be one of the hardest things for me to downsize. I'm not getting rid of any clothes, necessarily. I just did that and gave a bunch to Goodwill. I'm sorting through my clothes and deciding which ones will go to storage and which ones will make it to the new closet. This is a pretty easy task. After all, I probably only wear about 25% of the clothes in my closet on a regular basis anyway. But the easiness stops when I get to my t shirts. I have a lot. Like, really a lot. I wouldn't say that I "collect" them, because that would make me sound like a nerdy 12 year old girl, but I don't get rid of them. I have t shirts from elementary school. Literally. But, here's the thing. I wear them. All of them. I wear them to sleep in and clean in, and many of them I actually wear in public. And each one has some sort of special memory or takes me to that time I got it, or whatever. So, I just can't get rid of them. I managed to cut it down to less than 20 t shirts and store the rest. I imagine myself still having these t shirts when I'm an old lady. I'll be the only 90 year old in the nursing home that's wearing an Ohio University Sib's Weekend 1995 Calvin and Hobbes t shirt. My great grand kids will go through my vintage t shirt collection and fight over my Dave Matthews Band tour t shirts and Ohio University Marching 110 shirts. (They will be even more special because it will be the Marching 330 by then.....oh, and they'll march flutes too....)

So, I'm keeping my shirts. I'm doing it for my great grand kids.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


When I was pregnant with Jackson, we got an ad in the mail for a dentist. On it was a creepy yet hilarious picture of a smiling bear. Like, with human teeth. So, I cut it out and hid it on Eric's pillow for him to find when he went to bed that night
The next morning, I found the picture taped to the milk in the fridge. This continued throughout my entire pregnancy. I'd put it on his car steering wheel, he'd put it on my laptop screen. Sometimes days or weeks would pass before one of us would hide it again, but our little creepy bear was always ready to give us a laugh whenever we needed one. Well, one day, when I was about 38 weeks pregnant, I had had a very long day. I had a massage in the morning, had grouted tile and touch up painted the basement all day long, and then that night Eric and I went to Castle Rock to eat dinner and visit a friend. We came home and I had a glass of wine. My doctor told me it might be a good idea, to try and relax me. I was nice and relaxed from the wine, and I took a warm bath, just to top off the relaxation. I got in bed around 11:55 and laid down for the night. At 12:00 on the dot I got a really bad cramp in my lower stomach....damn spicy food for dinner! I went to the bathroom, and felt a little better, but at 12:03, I got another cramp. I went to the bathroom AGAIN and felt a little better again. At 12:07 I got another cramp and went to the bathroom AGAIN. That is the LAST time I eat spicy food....I swear! By now, I have completely empty bowels, but I'm not feeling any better at all. These stomach pains are coming about every three minutes and are lasting about two and a half minutes each. I try to lay down, thinking I can sleep off this nasty bout of a stomach virus. It occurs to me that I might be in labor, but this isn't at all what I thought it would feel like. I was envisioning sharp, well.....vagina pain. This wasn't vagina pain at all. This was stomach pain, and was getting worse with every cramp! Eric walks in the room and I tell him that I might be in labor, but not to worry yet. I didn't want to be overly dramatic or think I'm in labor, and go to the hospital only to find out that I've got the shits and be sent home. So, he gets ready for bed and finally lays down. By about 12:30, I'm realizing that these cramps are coming harder and harder. They are still about 3 minutes apart, and they are lasting almost the entire 3 minutes. I get up to go to the bathroom again, completely doubled over in pain (as doubled over as a full term pregnant girl can be) and I walk in the bathroom to find this picture taped to the mirror:

Oh My God! I'm in so much pain, but this is so funny. Laughing certainly isn't helping the pain factor, but I manage to wobble back into the bedroom to tell Eric "nice try, but this really fucking hurts and I'm quite sure I'm in labor". After waiting the traditional hour of contractions, I have Eric call the doctor at exactly 1:00 a.m. She finally calls back around 1:45 and tells us to go to the hospital. Fortunately, we live pretty close to the hospital, but on the 10 minute drive there, I was positive I was in labor. We get there and they don't have my file, so I sit in the triage unit on the labor and deliver floor for about 2 hours answering questions about my medical history and being hooked up to a monitor. My blood pressure was sky high, so they made me lay flat on my back. That's the worst possible position to be in when your having a contraction. All I wanted to do was curl up in a little ball. By now, I'm transitioning. Shaking, dry heaving, delusional. Once they got me admitted, they gave me an IV, drew my blood and called my doctor and told her to get here quick. They paged the new love of my life (the anesthesiologist) and we all sat there, waiting to get the okay to do the epidural from the lab. As soon as the nurse got the call, I got my epidural and was immediately happy again. My face itched like crazy and I was still shaking uncontrollably and dry heaving, but at least I wasn't in pain any more. About 15 minutes later I was fully dilated and ready to have the baby. We sat around for another half hour, waiting for the doctor to get here and around 5:30 a.m. this little guy came into the world.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Automated Customer Service Representatives

Do you think that the automated voice prompted systems on the phone can sense my attitude? Seriously. I hate those things. I just want to talk to a real person. Not someone that sounds like a nice lady. I want an actual nice lady. I tried ordering my prescriptions over the phone today. I would have done it online, but I didn't have my patient ID number that they needed, so I called the phone number listed, thinking they could give me the patient ID. Instead I got the voice activated system. Totally impossible with two screaming toddlers.

Fake phone lady: "Would you like to place an order for your prescription?"

Me: "Yes (with Jackson screaming in the background)"

Fake phone lady: "I'm sorry, I didn't understand you. Would you like to place an order for your prescription?"

Me: "YES!"

Fake phone lady: "Okay. Please say your prescription ID number"


Fake phone lady: "I'm sorry, I didn't understand you. Please say your prescription ID number"

Me: "1-0-0-1-2-2-3-5-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH"

Fake phone lady: "I'm sorry, I didn't understand you. Please say your prescription ID number"

Me: "1-0-0-1-2-2-3-5-7-5-8-9"

Fake phone lady: "Okay. Did you say '1-0-0-1-2-2-3-5-7-5-8-9'?"


Fake phone lady: "Please say your prescription ID number"

This went on for 2 prescriptions ID numbers and a credit card number.
I really do hope that a supervisor was listening in on this call for quality assurance, like the disclaimer said. Maybe they will get a clue that these systems suck!

Monday, August 9, 2010

I shouldn't have to explain.....

I don't think I should have to explain myself and defend the choices I make, but since I put myself out there for the world to judge, I often do get judged. So, here I am, defending the decision to move. Eric and I have decided to move to a smaller house in the woods. Yes, it's small. But I'm not exactly going to be roughing it.

This is a picture of the kitchen in the house we are wanting to rent. NO, we have not signed a lease on this house yet. We aren't stupid. We will not sign a lease until we find a good quality renter for our home now. Are we risking losing this new rental house? Maybe a little, but we've worked out a first right of refusal with the owner of this house and are putting ourselves in the best possible position we can. If it gets rented out from under us, we'll find another house. There are lots of rental houses out there. If we can't rent our current house, we'll just stay here and nothing will change.
This is a calculated move. We've run the numbers. We've thought things through. Although it might be coming out of left field to an outsider, it's something Eric and I have talked about and thought about for a long time. We didn't move to Colorado so that our views are of cars zooming by and the back of someone's house.

The view from our back door now:

View from the new rental home:

We didn't move here so that our son can't run and play in his own yard because of the cars speeding by. Yes, we love our current house. We wish we could take this house and pick it up and move it to a couple acres in the woods. But that's not possible. This morning I was woken up by the neighbors behind us. The little boy was waking up the little girl for school. He wasn't even being that loud about it, but when the houses are that close together and your windows are open, you hear it.
We could move to a bigger house in the woods. One that wouldn't really save us that much money. We are doing this to save money and see what it's like to live out there. If, by the end of the year, we find that we hate it, we'll move back here with a big cushion in our bank account. If we find we love it, we'll continue to rent out our house, or sell it, or whatever. We'll make it work.

So, why did we buy a house that was on such a busy street and so close to other houses 5 years ago? Well, first of all, we were the third house built in this neighborhood. It was tons of land and three houses. It wasn't on a busy street. Many of those streets that the cars are going to now didn't even exist. We weren't close to our neighbors. We didn't have neighbors. We knew that there would be houses built, but we didn't really have a good image in our head of exactly how many houses would be there. We also didn't have a child at the time so a small yard and close to traffic didn't bother us. We didn't think anything of it. But now we have a 2 year old that absolutely LOVES to be outside. And when he plays out there I just about have a heart attack the whole time. His balls roll into the street. He rides his little motorcycle and I have to catch him at the end of the driveway or else he will get hit by a car. I spend my whole time watching the road and yelling at cars to slow down instead of actually playing with my child.

This is a move that makes sense for us. It's something we want to try out and see if it works. We have more knowledge than the average person about real estate and rentals. We are being smart about it. Everyone that really knows us and has spent time in our house is being very supportive, and that's really all that matters. But for the rest of you, we do care about your opinion of us, and want you to trust that we are making the right decision for US, both financially and emotionally.

The code to sex....

With big change comes sleepless nights. I'm okay once I fall asleep. It's getting to sleep that I've been struggling with. My brain goes a mile a minute, usually thinking of useless stuff. Stuff that I don't need to be thinking of. Stuff that, no matter how long I think about it, it won't change anything. So, I've had a hard time falling asleep the last few weeks. But the upside is that Eric has NOT had a hard time falling asleep and I've had a fabulous time listening to/engaging in sleep talking conversations with him. I'm not making fun of him. Really. I talk in my sleep too. I've also been known to walk in my sleep. And do other crazy things in my sleep, like take a shower and get ready for school but only kind of shower and leave the shampoo in my hair and get dressed in a crazy outfit and stand at the front door at 3:00 in the morning waiting for my ride. (That happened more than once in high school) The other night Eric told me in his sleep "find out which one requires the least music". I responded "what?". And he said "some of them, they have like.....ummmmm.....(long pause).....like hundreds of musics". A couple nights later he blurted out "it's a tube key!" in his sleep. I got a laugh out of that one. We've also had full on arguments in his sleep about him sleeping. One time he started talking in jibberish and when I started laughing he got really mad and went on and on about how I think he is sleeping but he really isn't. I was so far into giggle mode by that point that I couldn't stop laughing and was just egging him on. My very favorite sleep talk conversation with Eric happened a few years ago. I was lying awake in bed and all of the sudden he started laughing. "What's so funny?" I asked. "I finally figured it out!" he said excitedly. "Figured what out?" "The code to sex! I know the code to sex!" "What is it?" I asked. "7324!" he responded. Then continued to laugh. So if anyone is looking for the code to sex it's 7324. You're welcome.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

When the wheels come down.....

I've been back on Facebook for 4 days. I went 31 days without my typical social networking. I'm not gonna lie. I did go on Facebook last month, however, it was for business purposes. I'm working on selling kids shirts for the 110 alum, and I needed to get contact info for some people, and send some messages. So, I was, occasionally, logging on to see if people had responded to messages and whatnot. I didn't check my newsfeed or notifications, and I didn't chat with anyone, which is what I usually do on Facebook. So, I would say that I, more or less, followed the rules.

So, I didn't go on Facebook that much, but here's what I did do this month:
* Made some new friends
* Reconnected with some old friends
* Figured out a way to make more money, starting in September
* Learned to sew
* Figured out how much more I can get done in a day if I wake up a little earlier
* Answered the age old question of how to lose weight and keep it off
* Gave myself a commute
* Watched Toy Story ten gagillion times
* Organized the house
* Read a couple books
* Saw a model rocket launch
* Gave myself a Brazilian wax.....kind of
* Invented a yummy mixed drink
* Went camping
* Bought ballroom dance lessons for Eric and I. We will go later in the summer.
* Reserved my spot for a painting class on August 13th.

So, am I ready to give up internet social networking? ABSOLUTELY NOT! It was nice to take a little break, but I feel much more comfortable being in the loop. I did learn a lot about myself this month though. I learned that I am my happiest and most comfortable when there are major life changes happening. (Thanks to my BFF for pointing that out ;) Both Eric and I are that way, and we excel as a couple when we have major life changes on the horizon. We don't do stagnant very well. And this is the first time in my life I've been stagnant. As a kid, everything is new and exciting. Then I started dating, and we all know how exciting that is. I went to college. New and exciting. I started my relationship with Eric. New and exciting. We moved to Denver. New and exciting. We got engaged, then married. New and exciting. We built a house. New and exciting. We got pregnant and had a baby. New and exciting. And what has happened since then? Nothing. Not new. Not exciting. And now I watch kids out of the house and am trapped at home all day. Really not exciting. I mentioned a couple weeks ago that Eric and I were daydreaming about how great it would be to have some land. Well, those daydreams have become serious conversations. The daydreams have become going out and looking at homes in the woods. They've become calling lenders and getting quotes. And since we've been daydreaming and acting on our daydreams, Eric and I, as individuals and as a couple, have been happier than we have been in a while. We are ready for a change. We are those people that need change regularly. And while we are both working on being truly happy no matter what our circumstances, this is something that is making us happy right now. Selling our house isn't something we are ready to do quite yet. We LOVE our house. We HATE how small the yard is. So, we are thinking of renting out our current home, and renting a place out in the middle of the woods. This is rather funny, given that we own 5 (soon to be 6) rental units and we would, ourselves, be renters. However, we wouldn't be your ordinary renters. We would be renters with a purpose. A purpose of seeing if we really do like living in the middle of nowhere. Seeing if we can handle the commute. And also, we can save a ton of money if we go through with this. Enough for a down payment on a dream house in a year or two. We haven't made an definitive decisions, but we are getting the wheels turning. And in the past, when Eric and I turn the wheels, stuff moves.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Don't you dare.....

It is "World Breastfeeding Week" this week. Which to me reads as "You-Should-Feel-Guilty-Because-You-Couldn't-Give -Your-Baby-What-He-REALLY-Needed-Week". I just read an article about Supermodel Gisele Bundchen saying that she thinks there should be a worldwide law that every mother should breastfeed their baby for at least 6 months. It infuriates me that she can be so stupid.....EVEN FOR A SUPERMODEL!!! Look, I know that breast milk is what is best for babies. Everyone knows that. I would never ever argue with someone that they shouldn't breastfeed. I would also never ever tell someone that they are harming their baby by giving them formula. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to breastfeed. You should consider yourself very lucky if you can. You will save money on formula, you will save time on cleaning bottles, and most importantly you are giving your baby what is best for them. But if you aren't able to nurse, you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for not doing what's best for you and your baby. (I know no one can make you feel guilty, but when you are super hormonal, plus in major pain from having a baby and trying to nurse, and sleep deprived, you can easily fall into feelings of guilt, even if you are otherwise a very strong person) I know, for me, I gave it my best shot. My doctor finally had to tell me after 6 weeks to JUST STOP TRYING! It wasn't what was best for me and the baby anymore....formula from a bottle was what was best for us. And although no one was downright mean to me about not nursing, I did feel very guilty among my nursing mother friends who were trying to be encouraging. I have no intention of trying to breastfeed if/when I have another baby. No, it won't be different next time. I WAS THE PROBLEM....NOT THE BABY! (Which makes me feel even worse about it!) In fact, I wasn't allowed to take Jackson home from the hospital until he drank a certain amount of formula from a bottle......AND THAT WAS BEFORE I EVEN HAD PROBLEMS NURSING! So, if you are able to breastfeed, consider yourself blessed. Have your week to rejoice in your awesomeness with other equally awesome mommies. But don't you dare pass judgment on me or any other woman who is unable to breastfeed. There!

Just because you can blog doesn't mean you should vlog.

There are several blogs that I read. All but one of them are people I know. The one that I don't know is a really popular blog and she's absolutely hilarious. Well, this blogger recently started vlogging. (video blogging) I've gotta say, just because you are a really funny writer, doesn't make you a funny vlogger. I watched a vlog of her's yesterday and I don't think she's funny anymore, even though she essentially read her blog on video. Her delivery sucks! It was awkward and contrived. I'll still read her blogs, but I'll pass on the videos. I'm not saying I would be any better at vlogging. I wouldn't even try it actually. I don't need to see or hear myself, and I can guarantee that mine would be awkward, because I would be really uncomfortable recording myself. I'll stick to writing and being obnoxious at parties.....

Monday, August 2, 2010

We went camping....

We went camping this Saturday. And by camping I mean, we went to a state park that's about 20 minutes away from our house. There are lots of way cooler places to camp around here. We do live in Colorado after all, but we chose this place because it is close to home. And because they have bathrooms. I don't pee in the woods. I don't consider myself a diva or someone that's not comfortable being outside and camping, but I can't pee anywhere other than on a toilet....like....nothing comes out. I physically can't do it. So, a campground is a more appropriate choice for us. We weren't sure how it would pan out, so we wanted to stay close to home. We got there around 2:30, after Jackson woke up from his nap. We decided where the tent was going to go and started setting up. After a while, Jackson and I left Eric to do the setting up and we headed to the playground. When Jackson's little face was so red from being hot, we headed back to the camp site to find Eric sitting under a pine tree in the shade. This is where we all hung out until it started cooling off a bit, listening to music and relaxing. Once it got a little cooler and we got hungry, we decided to start a fire. In the past, we've had a heck of a time starting a fire, so I got a duraflame log to get things going this time. It worked. We had a great fire going and put the hot dogs on our big fire forks and started cooking. The hot dogs were looking a little.....ummmmm....black, though. Like, not charred in a fire kind of black, but covered in chemicals kind of black. Eric insisted it was fine and devoured 2 hot dogs. I ate a bite and thought it tasted funny. I gave Jackson one bite too and decided to google "cooking over duraflame logs". My search told me that it can actually be poisonous to cook over duraflame logs. Whoops! I gave Jackson a cold hot dog and a ton of Doritos for dinner instead. After poking the duraflame log and breaking it up a bunch, I finally got our fire to be only wood and not duraflame and we made smores and popcorn over the fire. By around 9:00, Jackson was kept saying "night-night" so we put him in his pajamas and tried to lay him down in the tent in his new Buzz Lightyear sleeping bag. By 10:30, all he was doing was screaming in the tent, obsessing over every little thing. He would hear a car and yell "CAR! CAR! CAR! CAR!" over and over. He wanted to play with the flashlight so he yelled "LIGHT! LIGHT! LIGHT! LIGHT!". This continued for quite some time until I finally threatened him with going home if he didn't knock it off. Then he started screaming "HOME! HOME! HOME! HOME!". FINE! WE ARE GOING HOME! Eric was practically asleep by this point and told me that he would sleep at the campsite while Jackson and I slept at home. I told him that he was going to wake up at the crack of dawn and we weren't so he's going to have to wait for us in the morning. He was okay with that.....at the time. Jackson and I drove home and I tried putting him to bed. It was well after midnight before he finally calmed down and fell asleep. I decided that since I had only had one bite of poisoned hot dog, Doritos, Oreos, Smores and popcorn all night I should have some healthy fruit before bed, so I had some maraschino cherries, right out of the jar, and a chocolate covered frozen banana. It was now officially August 1st, so I went on Facebook and checked everything out and finally fell asleep. I got a text from Eric around 7:00 the next morning saying that there is NO WAY Jackson would have made it through the night anyway because it was sweltering in the tent and really noisy all night long. Jackson slept until 10:00 in the morning and we headed back to the campsite to pick up Eric. Maybe we'll try camping again next year? Not in July?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My Pilgrimage to Mount Pleasant

More from the book.....

Sunday July 25, 2010

How to give yourself a Brazilian wax in 20 steps:

Step 1) Don’t do much research on the best brands/systems to buy. Just buy the first hard wax kit you see on Amazon and order it.

Step 2) Grow the hair out on your Mama drama, cause you’ve gotta have something to wax.

Step 3) When you finally get your wax kit in the mail, put the DVD in and watch it. Make sure you call your husband over to watch it too, because it shows you how to give a Brazilian wax. On an actual person. A naked person.

Step 4) After a couple beers and Advil, you get up the courage to give it a shot. Turn the warmer on and get in the shower. God willing you won’t end up in the hospital tonight, but you want to be clean, just in case.

Step 5) Cover anything in a 20 foot radius with a sheet. Wax, vomit and blood all stain.

Step 6) Take the applicator stick and whirl it around in the melted wax, just like the video showed. Start at the edge of the hair, practically your leg, just to be safe, and apply the wax in a small area, in the direction of the hair. While you are waiting for the wax to harden, take a big drink of beer.

Step 7) Flick the bottom edge of the wax up until you have a tab big enough to pull the wax up with. Say a prayer, hold your breath, and count to three. On the count of three pull up and away from your body in the opposite direction of the hair growth in one swift motion.

Step 8) Check to make sure your skin is still there, and realize that it is, in fact, there. Look on the wax strip to see the fruit of your labor and find the 3 hairs that you pulled out. Root and all. Pat yourself on the back for being so amazing at this!

Step 9) Follow steps 6 and 7 on the other side of your body, thinking the whole time that you don’t see what the big deal is. It doesn’t really hurt that much. Think of all the money you’ll save by doing this yourself. And that one spot on your right leg is super sexy.

Step 10) Now go back to the first side again. This time cover more area with wax and get closer to the lady business. While you’re at it, go ahead and do the other side at the same time. While you are waiting for the wax to harden, your husband walks in to see how everything is going. Explain that it’s great. So much easier than you thought. Maybe you’ll open up a waxing shop out of your house you are so awesome at it!

Step 11) Once the wax hardens, flick the tab up and rip. Holy shit. That one will hurt a little more than the first one. Flick and rip the other side. Take a huge drink of beer and walk over to the mirror to admire your hard work and toughness. And don’t worry, the bleeding will eventually stop.

Step 12) Continue working your way towards the Gates of Heaven. Apply, flick, rip, drink. Apply, flick, rip, drink.

Step 13) Now that your husband is here to help and you are practically a pro, it’s time to go for broke. He is much stronger than you and can help rip, so apply three big wax strips. One down the middle of the front, and one on each side of the front.

Step 14) While the wax is setting, give your husband a tutorial on how to properly rip the wax off and chug your beer, knowing damn well that this is the most painful area you will wax.

Step 15) Pull the skin tight with one hand and grab a wash cloth with the other. Have your hubby count to three. Hold your breath and………OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! Look down to make sure your Harbor of Hope is still in one piece and realize that he didn’t even pull the strip off. Just a teeny tiny piece of wax is all that’s in his hand.

Step 16) Get up the courage to do this about 20 more times for these three strips. Give up on the last one and just pull in the direction of the hair, even though you know it won’t really pull the hair out, but there is a tab already there and it hurts so damn much and you really have to pee.

Step 17) Take a break. Go pee and stop by the mirror to check out your masterpiece. Bloody, red and swollen isn’t exactly the look you were going for, but there certainly isn’t any hair in those spots anymore.

Step 18) Decide to keep persevering because the most painful part (you are told) is done. Apply the wax to your vertical smile. One on each side. While you are waiting for the wax to harden, joke around with your husband about how sexy you look and how it looks like your cha-cha sneezed, because the wax is a yellowish color.

Step 19) Try to pull this one off yourself. Fail. Try again. Fail. Say some swear words. Try again. Fail. Have your husband try to rip it off. He fails. Seriously consider walking around with wax on your love pocket for the rest of your life. Give it one more try and……..it works. You feel like your gonna vomit, but it worked. Check the piece of wax to make sure that there is no brain tissue attached to the hairs because it feels like you just pulled all of your insides out, through those hair follicles on Mount Pleasant.

Step 20) Finally get the other side’s wax off with the determination of Napoleon and decide that enough is enough. If you keep your legs crossed, you look hairless.

Good Luck!