Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Petting cute puppies, rehab

I'm talking about sex Mom and Dad! Stop reading now!
Jesse James went to sex rehab. I wonder if he went to the same place Tiger Woods did....? So, honestly, who isn't a sex addict? Who doesn't like that "new sex" feeling. (I wonder if they have that smell in those little Christmas tree air fresheners?) Learning and exploring someone else and their body, it's great, right? The problem is, these guys are married. They already decided to have old sex with one person for the rest of their lives. So what does that make them? In my opinion, it just makes them horny, like every other guy in the world, except these guys are unable to control their urges. And unlike every other guy in the world, they are famous and have girls throwing themselves at them. I can honestly see how that would be difficult to resist. SO DON'T GET MARRIED! Just live the bachelor life and screw whoever you want whenever you want. What if they had rehab for every pleasurable thing? I think I'd be in "ice cream eating" rehab by now. I know, how about a "petting cute puppies" rehab?! Or maybe, "winning the lottery" rehab? There's always the selfless pleasurable things we can get addicted to also like "helping old ladies cross the street" rehab, and "volunteering at soup kitchens" rehab. Here we go! I'm going to go to "hearing my baby belly laugh" rehab! That really makes me happy!


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

one 6 month old, two 21 month olds, a three year old, and a partridge in a pear tree....

I was going to blog about the 10 things I love today, since I blogged about the 10 (okay 12) things I hate yesterday, but today was far to eventful to NOT blog about it.....and it's only 3:00! Let me back up to yesterday. I was just about finished feeding the boys their lunch and my phone rang. I answered and it was my old principal, where I last taught. Now, those of you how actually know me in real life, know that she and I, well.....we didn't get along so good. She's essentially the reason I no longer teach. I'll spare you all of the details of our relationship, but just know, she's not someone I would ever, ever, expect to call me, unless of course, she needed to tell someone what a shitty person they are. In that case, I'm sure I'd be first on her list. So, anyway, she says that she heard that I sometimes watch kids out of my house. I told her that, indeed, I do and she asked me if I was available to watch her 2 grand daughters for her daughter for the next couple of weeks. (Her daughter is a CPA and is, of course, overloaded right now and needs some help. ) Ummmmmm, WHAAAA??? You want ME to watch YOUR grand kids? I confusingly tell her that I am available and give her some information. Her son in law calls me a couple hours later to set everything up with me. He says we'll have a "trial" day today and see how everything goes, and go from there. Fair enough. So he brings his beautiful little girls over this morning. A 3 year old and a 6 month old. Their schedules are a little different from the boys, but hey, it's only a couple weeks, and I could really use the money right now, so I'll adapt. Everything is going pretty well. Jackson is enamored with the 3 year old. He's having a ball playing with her and following her around. Christopher, on the other hand, is stealing toys, hitting, pushing, screaming. He's less than thrilled about our special guests. I finally get the boys to take their morning nap, but still can't get the baby down. After a while, I rock her until she's so far asleep that I can put her in the bed. Right when I do that, Jackson wakes up, then Christopher. :( I do, however, manage to get lunch made and served before the baby wakes up again. They all eat really well, then I ask the oldest girl if she likes to go for stroller rides. She says she does so I get the big 4 person stroller out of the garage. I put the baby in the car seat by the front door, but behind the gate so the boys can't get to her, take Jackson out to the stroller and buckle him in, come back. Take Christopher out to the stroller, buckle him in, come back. Take the baby in the car seat and put her in the stroller, but the car seat is too big. So I take her out of the car seat, lay the stroller seat down and buckle her in. Then I take the car seat back to the house, get the 3 year old and put her in the last seat of the stroller. She says she doesn't want to be buckled in, so I oblige. She's 3, what could happen? So, everything is going great. No one is crying. The boys are pointing out the doggies and cars and airplanes. The 3 year old is "navigating" telling me every time she sees a rock, so I can steer around it. Until......crash! The 3 year old fell out of the stroller. I have no idea how it happened, but there she is....out of the stroller. So much for the trial day! I immediately stop and pick her up. Her nose is a little red, but no blood (whew!). She's a trooper and stops crying almost as quick as she started. I tell her we'll go right home and get her cleaned up. She agrees. I put her back in her seat, and buckle her in this time! She seems unscathed and immediately goes back to navigating the stroller. By the time we get home, she seems to have completely forgotten about everything. I clean her up, she says it doesn't hurt at all. I think I'm more hurt about the whole thing than she is! There is the ONE person in the world that I have to prove myself to, and I just scraped her grand daughter's nose up! The kids played for a while, then it was time for afternoon naps. The afternoon naps go a little better this time. I take Christopher up first, since he seems to be the most grouchy. Then I take Jackson up. Then I take the baby and the 3 year old down to the basement and tell her to stay down there, because I have to let the dogs outside, and they are in the room that she needs to nap in. I let them out and begin coaxing the 3 year old to go to bed. After about 30 minutes, 2 snacks, and an "accident" in her pants, she finally goes down! Now I have the baby. I give her a bottle and rock her. I rock and rock and rock until she's finally asleep! Yes! I can't believe it. I have 4 kids, (one 6 month old, two 21 month olds, and a 3 year old) all sleeping at the same time. I rush around the house and clean up as much as I can making as little noise as possible. I did it! I managed to get all the kids asleep AND get the house back in order...kinda. Just when I sit down to pee for the first time since this morning, I hear it. AHHHHHH....It's Jackson! No you don't buddy! You're mine and I'm the boss of you. You're staying in that crib until another kid wakes up! I get a sippy cup, fill it with milk and take it up to him. He drinks it until he falls back asleep! I've managed to sit down and write this blog in 25 minutes without hearing a peep from any of them! I should totally apply to be on the super nanny show!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Top 10, okay, 12 things I hate

My blog, which was originally intended to be focused on the trials and tribulations as well as the great aspects of being a mommy, seems to have morphed into a means of bitching. But I'm okay with that. It's fun to bitch! And it makes for way better posts than being serious all the time, so this one is all about stuff I hate. If you are in a bad mood, I suggest you stop reading now, cause it's about to get worse!

12) When people stop walking, right in front of you. The same applies to large groups, all walking side-by-side, slowly, so you can't go around. MOVE!!!
11) When people don't give you the "wave" when you let them into traffic. My response is always the same. I wave really big and yell "thanks for the wave....D-Bag!"
10) When people don't hold the door for you, especially when they can see you struggling with a stroller/baby/shopping bags....whatever!
9) When people don't return your call within a timely manner. I know your busy, but I made the time for make time for me!
8) When people talk during movies. If you want to talk, go to Starbucks.
7) When people interrupt me. I'll admit, I interrupt all the time. It's something I'm really bad at. But I genuinely believe that what I have to say is more important than what you have to say!
6) When stupid people prolong a class by continuing to asking questions, especially when their questions are very specific to their particular situation. Ask it during the break...dumbass. (And, BTW, there is no such thing as a stupid question....just stupid people who ask questions)
5) Loud typers. You don't have to pound the keyboard to get the words to come up on the computer. And it doesn't show how strong you are, muscle man! A simple touch will suffice!
4) People who talk excessively loud on the phone, especially in public. I don't give a shit about your sister's yeast infection....shut it!
3) People who use the bike lane as a turn lane. It's illegal and dangerous! Stop doing it!
2) People who use poor grammar. Sorry, but you sound dumb.
1) When people chew loud. I mean really! How hard is it to close your giant mouth?!

Oh, and's a lot (2 words) and tomorrow (not tomarrow)....learn it!

Anyone notice what all of these things have in common?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

boats, cats, sea shells and goats

Dear salesman at Lakeshore Learning Store,

Just point me to the damn flash cards. I have my degree in early childhood education. I know what is developmentally appropriate for my 21 month old son. I don't need a lecture on why flash cards aren't developmentally appropriate for him. I'm not trying to get him to read the words, I'm simply trying to increase his vocabulary, especially with things he doesn't see everyday (i.e. boats, cats, sea shells, goats) by showing him pictures of those things in a fun, game-like manner. Step off dude!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

A day in the life of mile high mom.

I've had several blogger friends that have done a "day in the life of..." blog, so I guess it's my turn. Here's a typical weekday of my life.

Morning: I run a pretty tight ship at my house. I do it for my own sanity, and I also think that it gives kids a sense of stability to know what to expect, everyday. My alarm is set for 6:45 everyday. It goes off, I push the snooze button for about 15 minutes and get up around 7:00. I just
cannot get out of bed right away. So, I finally get up around 7:00 and immediately get in the shower. On days when I don't get in the shower right away, I feel like crap and feel like I'm still sleeping until I do shower. I stay in the shower for WAY too long, then have to rush around to make sure I'm ready by 7:45. Usually Jackson is kind of waking up by this point, but I keep him in his crib until 7:45 even if he's totally awake. I watch a friend's little boy, who, coincidentally, was born the exact same day as Jackson. Just a few hours apart! He comes over between 7:45 and 8:00 Monday-Friday. I try to get Jackson out of bed and have breakfast started before they arrive, but that doesn't always happen. So, Christopher comes over and that's the start of the most hectic part of my day. Trying to feed Jackson his breakfast, keep Christopher happy, unload the dishwasher, let the dogs out, feed the dogs, put the dogs back in their cages etc.... Now, for those of you who are thinking "why don't you just wake up earlier, and take care of the dogs, the dishwasher, and feed Jackson. That way when Christopher comes over, it's not so hectic." Yeah, not gonna happen. I value sleep WAY too much to give up that extra 20 minutes in the morning. I'd rather be crazy and rushed and 20 minutes more rested all day. Anyway, Jackson is usually finished eating and Christopher's mommy is usually gone by around 8:15. We head down to the basement, where the playroom is. This is when I start the portion of my day I like to call "Just keep them from killing each other". I don't know what it is, but they are both extremely grouchy and irritable this time of day. Jackson gets really possessive over his toys and me and Christopher gets overly sensitive about, well, everything. It's pretty much just a toy stealing, face pushing, high pitched screaming, temper tantrum throwing, bodily fluid flowing hour.

Morning Nap: They are 21 months old right now and all of their friends are down to 1 nap a day, but these boys need to have 2 naps still. Even if the first one is just resting in their cribs. And, I need for them to have 2 naps still. They always come out of this "rest time" much happier, and so do I. I try to make it to 9:00, then I take them upstairs for naps. I put Christopher in his pack and play first. He can climb out of pack and plays and cribs, so I put a sleep sack on him....backwards. (so he can't unzip it, climb out of his crib, and meet me in the basement with a "what did I do?" look) After that, I take Jackson to his room, let him pick out a book to read and put him in his crib with his binky. They might not nap, but I can usually squeeze and hour of "quiet time" out of them. This hour of quite time is what I most look forward to everyday. It's like my social hour. I get on the computer or phone and talk to friends or family. I usually get NOTHING accomplished during this hour, and I'm okay with that. The boys usually make it to around 10:15 or 10:30 before they get bored and start screaming. Every once in a while, one or both of them will fall asleep and I can squeeze that time to 11:00. I don't usually let them go past 11:00 though, or that will ruin their afternoon naps.

11:00 - 12:00 is usually pretty good. This is when Sesame Street is on. The boys LOVE Sesame Street. I worry a little that they love it too much. Jackson points to the tv and says "Elmo". They know the introduction to Sesame Street, right before the opening music comes on and their eyes are GLUED to the tv, waiting for that sweet song to start playing. When the music starts they dance around with joy that I've never seen any adult have. It's like the happiest moment of their 11:00!

12:00 is lunch time. This is the meal that I feel most guilty about. I try to have a protein, a veggie and a fruit. I almost always do that, but since I'm cooking for 2 picky eaters, while they are screaming for food and fighting with each other, I need this meal to be easy. So, I make hot dogs, or mac and cheese, or chicken nuggets, or pizza or any of the things that would make Jamie Oliver cringe. I justify it in my head by knowing that his breakfast was healthy and balanced, as well as his dinner. I try to squeeze in something for me to eat also. I usually haven't had anything to eat all day, and am to the point where I'm so hungry I'm not hungry anymore. So, I'll eat a chicken nugget, or a half of a grilled cheese sandwich, or whatever they are having and call it lunch. (Don't worry, I make up for the no breakfast/tiny lunch later in the day.)

After the boys have finished eating/throwing the rest of their lunch across the room, I clean them up and try to at least get the dishes to the sink. If it's nice outside, we'll go for a walk. This is another part of my day I love. I put them in the double stroller, put my headphones on and walk and listen to music. Usually they are pretty good. Just sitting, pointing out every dog they see, every car that goes by, every airplane flying overhead. Sometimes they are cranky. When they are I just turn my music up louder and walk faster, so we bother the people in the houses we pass for a shorter amount of time. My route is about 2 miles...pushing about 45 pounds of kid plus a 35 pound stroller. Not too bad of a workout!

On the days when the weather isn't good enough to walk, we head back down to the basement. This can be a little rough, because they are getting tired again. So, I try to keep them distracted and not bothering each other. We read books, play "baketball", play "Elmo" (which is sitting on the Sesame Street kiddie couch and throwing the Sesame Street blanket over their heads while they struggle to get out of the blanket.....this game NEVER gets old with them), we'll wrestle around....just do typical boy playing stuff.

Afternoon nap: Everyday I tell myself that I'm going to try to push them to 2:00 to take their afternoon nap, and almost everyday, I barely make it to 1:30. (sometimes it's even 1:00, if they didn't sleep at all in the morning) They go down so easily though, that it's hard to justify NOT putting them down when they are tired and go to sleep so well. So sometime between 1:00 and 2:00, we go upstairs and do the same naptime routine as the morning. During this naptime I try to actually get stuff done around the house. I'll do the breakfast and lunch dishes, make business phone calls, send business emails, clean up the playroom, tell myself that I should fold some laundry, but never actually get around to it. A lot of days, this is when I write my blog. And EVERYDAY this is when I pig out on junk food. Ice cream is usually my guilty pleasure, but sometimes it's candy, or popcorn. Afternoon nap really varies in time. Sometimes they are up by 2:30, sometimes they will make it to 4:30. Usually it's somewhere in between and one of the boys gets up before the other.

Early evening: We play and sometimes have a snack after their nap. This is the beginning of the "whiney" portion of the day. They are both done with having to share everything by this time of day, so it's my job to provide them with more distractions. Playing games, reading books, that sort of thing. Christopher's mom comes to get him between 4:45 and 5:00. We are good friends, his mom and I, so we'll usually chat for a while before she heads home. Sometimes if it's nice, we'll go for a walk with the boys or something. It's nice to have some time talking to another adult, even if it's with two whiney boys pulling on our legs. After Christopher leaves I try to get out of the house with Jackson. We'll go to the grocery store, go to the mall, run errands. Anything to get out of the house. We can't be gone for very long, because I need to get dinner started, but I really like to leave the house, just for a little bit, and it keeps Jackson happy too.

Dinner time: Eric usually gets home between 6:00 and 7:00. By now, Jackson is a mess. All he does is whine. He's hungry and needing lots of attention and I can't give it to him because I'm busy cooking and cleaning, and Eric is trying to decompress from a long day at work too. This is usually when I go out to the garage, get a beer out of the fridge, and turn on cartoons for Jackson. I feel a little guilty about using the tv as a babysitter, but not guilty enough to actually turn the tv off. I need my sanity too! I try to always make real dinners. And by real, I mean, from scratch, using actual ingredients and recipes. We don't have frozen dinners and pizza here. I also refuse to make Jackson a separate "kid friendly" meal. He eats what we eat, end of story. If he doesn't like it, there's always breakfast.

Ahhhhhh....Bedtime routine: Eric does this. I love it. I love him for doing it. It's great! He gives Jack his bath, puts him in his pjs, reads him his stories and puts him to bed. Again, Jackson is a fabulous "night-nighter", so it's not a fight, which is great for both Eric and me. If it WERE a fight, Eric would probably hand the bedtime routine back over to me. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not exactly downstairs eating bon-bons during the bedtime routine. I'm cleaning up the kitchen and dining room, then going down to the basement to clean it up as well. My goal is to be completely finished cleaning and in relaxation mode by 9:00. Some days I can even do it by 8:30, depending on how diligent I was during the day, keeping things clean and how messy cooking dinner was.

9:00 - 11:00 bedtime: During this time I watch DVRed shows, get on the computer (again), read books, knit, or do whatever the heck I want. This is always the time of day that I'm most awake. Most people are winding down by 9:00, but not me. This is when I feel the most energized. I'm a total night owl. I fight my natural night owl-ness tooth and nail every single day. I force myself to go to bed every night and force myself to wake up every morning. I try to be in bed by 11:00 every night. Usually around 10:30 I'll head upstairs and take a bath. This really helps me wind down and helps my aching body too. My days are pretty physically demanding, lifting 25 pound kids non stop, running after them, walking them in the stroller, going up and down 2 flights of step at least 30 times a day (probably more). It's 10:53 now, which means that I'm 23 minutes late for my bath. I'll go up, take my bath, go to bed and do the exact same thing tomorrow......sigh......

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

12:00 : 12:00 : 12:00

Ahhhhhh....spring storms in Denver. We get at least one every year. It comes through here like we just kicked it's puppy and takes no prisoners. We got one last night. This one was a doozie too! It started as rain around 4:30 in the afternoon. By 5:00, it was a rain/snow mix and our power was out. I called Eric to warn him that we might have to go out to eat tonight if the power doesn't come back on. He was home around 6:00 and the power still wasn't on and it was full on snowing, so we had to go out. Our electric oven and range doesn't do us much good without electricity. Sooooo...we bundled up and headed out to Country Buffet. Eric doesn't love buffets because he thinks that you never eat your moneys worth. I love buffets because I can eat a bite of this and a bite of that. I get bored with food easily. I get bored with life easily....I disgress..... By now, the roads are pretty bad. Why is it that men feel like they are somehow exempt from car accidents? Eric is driving like Mario Andretti, passing people in much bigger cars than our mini van. And, God forbid I actually say something to him about it. "Do you want to drive?" he'll ask. "No, I just want you to drive safer!" I answer. We make it to Country Buffet in one piece in about twice the time it would normally take us. We are eating, all is good. I'm getting my second helping of 10 little bites on my plate when a I hear "MRS. BEST!!!!". It's something all teachers (former or current) hate hearing when they are out in public looking like they had no intention of leaving the house that day. (I used to be an elementary school teacher, in case you didn't know) It's one of my old second graders who is now 11 or 12 (holy cow!). We talk for a while. His dad comes over. We talk for a while more. I finally say that I'm going to go eat my food while it's still hot and go back to my seat. By the time we were done with dinner, I couldn't even see outside. It was a total white out. Eric pulled the car around for us and I run out with Jackson. We manage to get Jackson in his car seat and get strapped in ourselves before getting lost in the snow. We pull out onto the main street and there are no lanes, just cars all over the place, slipping and sliding and dodging each other. We went around at least 10 (probably more like 20) cars that were stuck in the middle of the road....including a Corvette. A CORVETTE! Who drives a Corvette in the snow?! It took us about 30 minutes to get back home and when we did, the power was back on! Yes! I hop out of the car and immediately fall. Not a little "whoops, I lost my balance and almost fell" fall. No, it was cartoon style, feet in the air, full body fall. I'm laughing and pissed at the same time. I can't even get up because this snow is so wet and slick. I finally get to my feet and MOTHER EFFER, I FELL DOWN AGAIN! I get to my feet and make it past the curb this time, and YEP, I fell once more. I'm completely soaked and cold and covered in snow, and NOT thinking this is funny anymore. We all finally get inside and put Jackson in his jammies and put him to bed, I change out of my wet clothes, I unloaded the dishwasher, we fed the dogs, aaaaand, the power went out again. Which means that Jackson's nighlight went out. He was freaking out! I lit candles, Eric brought Jackson downstairs. Just when he stops crying and all the candles are lit, the power comes back on again! Whew! Jackson goes back to bed, but now my certainty that the power will stay on is gone and I'm running around the house like a crazy person, trying to get everything in order, just in case we lose it again. We never did lose power again, and my house was clean, so everything worked out. Is it summer yet?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Adoption Story Part 1

My sister, Mindy, and her husband, Ryan adopted a baby, Lily this past year. They get lots of questions and looks from people because Lily doesn't exactly look like the 2 of them. Lily Mindy and Ryan See? They have all kinds of great stories about people not quite understanding. Here is a cartoon I drew of one of the stories that actually happened to Mindy while waiting for a doctor's appointment.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Big Gulp on Steriods

Denver weather is so crazy. On Thursday, I took the boys to the park without coats on. On Friday we got about a foot of snow. Saturday it was really sunny, but pretty chilly still, and Sunday it was gorgeous and warm again. So yesterday, Sunday, after Jackson woke up from his nap, I decided to take him to the outlet mall in Castle Rock. This is an outside mall and is great on days like yesterday. Apparently, everyone else thought it would be a great idea to go too, because it was packed! I took Jackson's stroller and packed him a crustable PB&J and we were off. When we got there I did a little shopping then went to the food court to get a bite to eat. I decided the gyro/cheesesteak place was the winner and ordered a chicken gyro. My drink choices were small or large. Neither of those fit the description of my current thirst level, but it's better to have extra pop, than not enough, and besides, I can always use the extra pop to bribe Jackson later in the day, so I decided to get the large. It was only $.20 more. Then, they handed it to me. Holy crap! This thing is like a big gulp on steroids! No way this thing is fitting in my cup holder in the stroller. As I'm waiting for my gyro to be finished Jackson starts throwing a fit in his stroller. "All Done! Walk!" he keeps saying, meaning, he's done with his sandwich and wants to get out and walk. That's not really an option right now, so....too bad. Well, the older man in line behind me feels that he knows my kid better than I do and starts to make suggestions on how I could calm him down. "He wants you to turn him around so he's not facing the wall. Kids need visual stimulation and he wants to look at the people, not the wall." I look at the guy and say "No, he wants to get out of the stroller and run around!" Aaaand, here's my gyro....thank God! So I put in on my tray along with my big gulp on steroids and balance it on my arm while pushing the stroller with the other hand. (Sound like a familiar story?) Then, this same meddling guy walks up to me, grabs my drink off my tray, WITH HIS BARE HANDS and says "You really should move this drink closer to you so you can balance it better!" WHAAAA? Did you really just touch my drink? REALLY??!! I grabbed the drink out of his hands and said "I've got it, really!" Jeesh! The bright side? I got this adorable scarf at the J Crew outlet for 30% off!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Ohio beat Georgetown last night.....that's all I need to say right now.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Crescent Roll Dance

Last night for dinner, we had a Yankee Pot Roast, and Pillsbury Crescent Rolls. We were supposed to have the crescent rolls with our rotisserie chicken tonight, but we just couldn't help ourselves. So, today, when I went to Sam's (which was eerily empty, for some reason....when is Sam's ever empty?) to get the chicken, I stopped and got a 4 pack of crescent rolls so we can still have some for tonight's dinner. (and some for future dinners too) Jackson was walking beside me. I didn't get a cart, because I was only grabbing a couple things, and he's usually really good about walking beside me. So I got the rolls and Jackson saw a picture of a crescent roll on the package and wanted to eat one. I mean, really wanted to eat one. I tried explaining to him that it was just a picture of a crescent roll and he couldn't actually eat it, but that just made him more mad.

I just have to stop for a minute and explain the crescent roll dance that happens at our house every time we make them. Whenever I make them, Eric says "don't burn them". I never burn them. I don't know where he gets this burnt roll paranoia from, but I never burn them. When they finally come out of the oven, we both start scrutinizing them up, taking the "best" ones first. About halfway through our meal, there is always, always, a "how many have you had" conversation. Usually, Eric has already had his share of the rolls and wants to know if I really am going to finish my half. The answer to this question is always yes. I don't care how much I've already eaten, there is always room for that buttery, flakey goodness. Sometimes there is bartering with the crescent rolls. (You can have the rest of the ice cream if I can have the last crescent roll) So, naturally, you can understand where Jackson gets his adoration for crescent rolls.

So anyway, there we are, at Sam's, with Jackson throwing a full on, deathcon 5 tantrum in the middle of the aisle. I couldn't even pick him up, because I had a hot rotisserie chicken and 4 tubes of rolls in my hands. So, I did what every good mother would do, I walked away from my screaming 1 year old and said "Bye Jackson....I'm leaving now". By now, people have stopped shopping and are now staring at us. Jackson was NOT okay with me leaving him at Sam's forever, so he begrudgingly got up off the floor and followed about 10 feet behind me, screaming at the top of his lungs with every step. He started coming around by the time we checked out and we had a wonderful dinner of rotisserie chicken, wild rice, broccoli and crescent rolls. We all ate until we almost burst. Looking back at the incident at Sam's though, can you really blame him for wanting a roll right then and there? REALLY? I mean, who doesn't like Pillsbury Crescent Rolls?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Who takes care of sick Mommies?

Our whole family is sick, including me. Here's a little picture I drew depicting my life right now......

U Scan

I think you should have to take, and pass a test to be able to use the U-Scan at the grocery stores. (You know, where you can check out yourself) The whole point of those things is so you can just get it done yourself and get it done fast. However, when all 6 U-Scans are being used by people who clearly have never used, or even seen a cash register before, it defeats the purpose. (Hey Old Lady on U-Scan #4, YOU HAVE TO PUT THE SHIT IN THE BAG AFTER YOU SCAN IT....NOT YOUR CART! And while I'm at it, distracted mother of 5 on U-Scan #1, IT'S NOT CUTE TO LET YOUR KIDS DO THE SCANNING AT 5:30 PM, DURING THE BUSIEST TIME OF DAY. Oh, and you, Mr. "I just got back from the gym, and now I'm buying a protein shake" on U-Scan #3, IT'S A TOUCH SCREEN...YOU DON'T HAVE TO POUND ON THE SCREEN LIKE IT'S GOT BUTTONS) I also think that if you have ever worked as a cashier before, you should get a pass that sends you right to the front of the line. I promise...I'm faster than you are....

The moral of the story....if you don't know how to use it, DON'T USE IT. If you want to learn, go shopping in the middle of the night and practice.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Goldfish, Thongs, and the Cutest Sweater Ever!

I have the day off work today, which means there is no way I'm staying cooped up at home all day. The only problem is that Jackson has a pretty nasty cold right now, so playing with friends was out of the question. I decided putting him in his stroller and taking him to the mall would be a good idea. I mean, honestly, how many people could he infect from his stroller, right? We're at the mall and he's doing great riding in the stroller. We get to the food court and I get Panda Express. I have my Orange Chicken bowl and medium Pepsi on my tray in one hand and I'm pushing Jackson in the stroller with the other hand. This, by itself, should be an Olympic sport, but then my receipt falls off the tray. I bend down to pick it up with my cat like balance and my Pepsi slides to the edge of the tray. It doesn't fall off. All is good. (Why, you ask, didn't I just leave the receipt on the ground? Because my mom taught me that it's not okay to just drop something and leave it there, and the 110 taught me to leave everything cleaner than I found it, these 2 things combined have turned me into a rather neurotic person, but that's a different blog) By now, several people are watching me do my balancing act. I start to think that maybe instead of staring, they could HELP me. I get about 5 feet from an empty table and 2 guys come up to me and ask if I need help. I was almost to the table by that point, so I declined. But thank you 2 random guys, for restoring my faith in humanity. Jackson and I are sitting and eating, when a lady comes up to me and asks if she could sit at our 4 person table. I look around and there are TONS of empty tables all around us, but what was I supposed to say, "no"? So, I just look at her and say "uhhhhhhh.....sure". She sat down and didn't say another word, just ate her fried wontons very loudly. We finished lunch and Jackson is still doing well, so I decide to walk around some more. I gave him a big plastic container filled to the top with goldfish crackers. THAT should hold him over for a while! We go to Baby Gap, The Children's Place, Hannah Anderson, Janie and Jack, and Gymboree. All of the places where kids are welcome. He's doing so well....such an angel sitting in his stroller, looking around, keeping his hands to himself. He's doing SO well, in fact, that I think he could go to a grown up store, without causing any problems, so we head to a favorite store of mine....Victoria's Secret. I walk in and the sales person (who had a BAD case of the hiccups, BTW) tells me all about their specials. Then Jackson decides to pick up his giant container of goldfish and dump the entire thing on the floor....of Victoria's Secret....So there I am, on my hands and knees, picking up goldfish. Meanwhile, Jackson thinks this is great and is finding everything else in his reach to throw on the floor so I can pick it up. Thongs, even more crackers, his milk, bras....everything. We hauled ass out of there. I just want to make one last stop through Macy's. I don't really like that store that much, but I'll just do a quick loop through, then we'll head home. That's when I saw it! THE CUTEST SWEATER EVER!!! It was a light gray ruffled cardigan, and they had 1 small left. I stood there admiring it and another lady comes up with light gray jeans in her hand and starts looking at it too. I tell her, "I'm so in love with this sweater!" She said she likes it too and she was going to get it in oatmeal, but now that she's getting these gray jean, she thinks the gray sweater would be better. I tell her that they do go together well, and .....wait, did she say they have it in other colors? I go around there corner to see what other colors they have it in. I found the oatmeal one, but gray really is more my style, so I go back to pick it up and THAT BITCH TOOK MY SWEATER! And there is no effing way she could even fit into a small anyway, who is she kidding?! I make a dive for the last oatmeal colored one, try it on, and it's just as cute on me as on the hanger! I call my sister and mom to get their opinion (which, really just means have someone tell me I really do need the sweater, so I don't feel so guilty) they both tell me I should get it. I get to the check out, and the cashier gives me a coupon for 20% off! It's fate! We were meant to be together.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My love affair with the label maker!

Am I a clean freak? I would say no, I hate cleaning. I love having a clean house, so I DO clean, but I hate it every step of the way. I keep it clean enough so that when people come over to our house, I'm not completely embarrassed, but I almost NEVER make the bed and I have mountains of laundry to do, at all times.

What I do love is organizing. I could get lost in The Container Store. I love when everything has a place and
those places are labeled! Before I was a mom, I was told by moms that once I have a baby, I'll have to just let stuff go and have a messy house. NOPE! IT GOT WORSE! Now I have a toddler that I have to keep the house organized for. I mean, God forbid he not know which container his binkies go in, or to have an exact place for all of the memorabilia, baby supply receipts and manuals, outgrown clothes, too big clothes, sheets, sheet protectors, changing pad covers, safety supplies, first aid supplies, travel supplies, pool supplies, extra diapers, extra wipes.....I think you get the point. My favorite organized place in the house is my shoe closet...yes I said shoe closet. It's an entire closet, designated just for shoes. I was willing to give up my linen closet for this shoe closet. Every shoe has a clear plastic box and every clear plastic box has a picture of the shoes that go inside on it. People make fun of me, but I always know where my shoes are....who's laughing now?

Now if I could only get my husband on board the organizational train in his domain.....

Heaven on a cracker

The other day the family was out at Sam's Club getting some chicken and there were samples of this spreadable sharp cheddar cheese. Of course I took some....and YUM! Wow! It's like heaven, spread on a cracker! It was $10 for a tub of heaven, so I bought it. It was my lunch yesterday and my breakfast today. I ripped off the label already, so I can't see how bad it is for me and threw it in the trash. Then, while eating that yummy goodness for breakfast today I thought "I wonder when this stuff expires....". So, I pulled the label out of the by April 7, 2011. Okay, I took my sharpie marker and wrote on the bottom of the tub 4-7-201.... Wait, did that say 2011? No, that can't be possible. It's cheese, cheese is supposed to go bad. I pulled the label out of the trash again, and sure enough, this stuff doesn't go bad for over a year. And even then, it didn't say it expires then it just says best by then. Oh, well. I wrote down the last 1 on the tub and continued to eat. When I thought I'd had an unhealthy amount, I put the lid back on the tub and read it. It said "spreadable sharp cheddar cheese food" Why the need to put "food" on the end? Is it really so borderline not food that they needed to clarify? I'm sure I'll still finish off the tub in record time....

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Copy Catters

Hey TLC, I'm a big fan, but I'm terribly disappointed with your new shows "Addiction" and "Hoarders: Buried Alive". Those shows already exist. They are called "Intervention" and "Hoarders" and they are on A&E on Monday nights. As a matter of fact, you've done this before. TLC has "Cake Boss" The Food Network has "Ace of Cakes". TLC has "LA Ink" A&E has "Inked". Not to mention all of the other real estate and decorating shows that are a spitting image of shows on HGTV. I'll agree that you have been a leader on many shows that have copied you, but that should just make you want to come up with your own ideas even more.

And since I'm on the subject, when I watch "Little People, Big World", it bugs the CRAP out of me how messy their house is. How is that okay? You are on national television, making money....hire a housekeeper already!

Gardening, Christmas Lights and Mixed Tapes

They say, in Denver, not to plant your flowers until after Mother's Day, because it will drop below freezing at some point and you'll lose them. But, I'm SO ready to plant my flowers now! I don't all. But that's beside the point!

I took Jackson and another little boy I watch, on a long walk today. It's beautiful outside, 60 degrees and sunny. Not too shabby for March 3rd! I love days like today where I can put my headphones on and just walk and think. The boys are usually really great during walks too, but if they aren't, I just turn the music up louder....

I saw a house with Christmas lights still up. Granted, they were very nicely hung and still looked good, but, it's March. Time to stop finding excuses for why you can't get on the roof, and get your ass up there and take them down! If we leave our trash can out until Tuesday morning, we get a notice of violation from the HOA, yet these clowns still have their Christmas lights up in March? Com'mon!

While walking, and thinking, and listening to music, I started thinking about "back in the day" when we used to make mixed tapes for people. Now that was a great gift! First was the time and effort put into picking out the songs. (That alone could take days) Then you had to collect all of the songs from all of your tapes laying around and cue the songs up just right, so that they started at the right time. You'd push "Play" on one side of your dual tape player and "Record" on the other side, where your blank tape was, and sit and listen to the song while it recorded. Then you'd do that same thing, with like, 15 more songs. Then, you'd have to go back and relisten to the entire thing, just to make sure they all actually recorded and you didn't accidentally tape over something. But, before you could give your tape away, you'd write down all of the songs on the outside cover of the tape holder. This whole "mixed tape" project would take an entire evening or more. Once it was finished, you'd have to wait until you saw the person to give it to them. Nowadays, if I want someone to hear a song, I go online, find the song, and email it to them. It takes less than a minute. If I want to find the lyrics to a song to send someone, I google them, copy them and paste them. Back in the day, I'd listen to a song over and over again so I could write down the lyrics for someone: rewind, play, STOP.... rewind, play, STOP..... rewind, play STOP!

I love technology and how it makes the world a smaller place, but sometimes, it would be nice to have those days back, and have someone take the time to make me a mixed tape.