I'm a pretty smart girl. I always had to work a little harder than most of my peers when it came to school work, but what I lack in book smarts, I make up for in common sense. I have my degree in elementary education, and my real estate broker's license. I got accepted into a masters and PhD program for marriage and family counseling, but only took a couple classes before Eric and I decided to move to Denver. But, here I am. A mother of an almost 2 year old, and I'm not working. Yes, I watch another little boy for money. Yes, I sell real estate and make good money doing that. But I don't go to work, in the traditional sense. When it comes down to it, our family is much better off financially by me staying home. The money I make watching Christopher and selling real estate together is more than I would make if I went back to teaching and put Jackson in day care. Sounds nice, right? It did to me too! It's what I've always wanted. The problem with it is that I'm bored out of my mind! Mentally bored. I don't need more things to do. I stay plenty busy cleaning, chasing, wiping and cooking, but that isn't exactly the most mentally stimulating stuff. So, what should I do? I ask myself this everyday. I know for sure that I don't want to go back to teaching. I didn't like it and the pay isn't good enough for me to tough it out anyway. And I'm REALLY not excited about sending Jackson to someone else to raise him. I do a much better job than anyone else in the world could. I recently decided to not take on anymore kid watching. I'll watch Christopher and be totally fine with that. I can handle 2 of them. If we need to go out, we can. I have 2 car seats, a double stroller and 2 hands. I can make that work. This decision was mostly based on my sanity. I can't handle not having the freedom to leave the house. It's just not me. I'd love more real estate work, but unfortunately, so does every other broker out there. Hopefully, someday I will have enough work to consider myself "full time", but for now, I just take what I can get. So, I don't really want to go back to work, but I don't really want to stay home either. What's a girl to do????? That wasn't a rhetorical question.....seriously! What should I do? I blog. That uses up some mental space. I try to do things around the house, like Jackson's camping room. That uses some brain too. I've started making these kids t shirts to sell. That helps me stay busy....er, and hopefully will help make some money someday too. Would it be better to get a full time job out of the house, even if it means a pay cut and not seeing Jackson as much? Maybe. Anyone have an insight for me? Please!
I know this struggle too well! When I first had Dylan, I had to go back to work- we just couldn't be a one working person family financially. I hated it. We left the house in a rush at 7am, dropped at day care at 7:30, work by 8. rush rush rush through my day, missing him to pieces, sneaking away to cry in the bathroom.
ReplyDeletePick him up at 5, get dirty looks because I left right at 5 on the dot from co-workers, pick up Dylan, sit in traffic for 45 minutes- get home, rush through dinner, bath time, an hour after we got home he was drifting to sleep. I would hold him for about another hour because I had only seen him for about an hour that day.
The biggest blessing I got was being laid off when he was 6 months old. Terrifying and a blessing at the same time. I've since started a business as a consultant- I work from home, he goes to day care 2 days/week. Some days, if he's sick or I just miss him and have a slow work day, I call in sick to day care and we sneak off to the museum. Finding the balance is hard, and everyone is different. For me, working from home, being my own boss, and watching every moment of Dylan's little life is the best situation for me. I'm sure you'll figure it out! I feel like, they are only young for a brief time and I don't want to miss any of it.
The picture brings back VERY, VERY proud times! You are doing the right thing....this too, shall pass! Jackson deserves your total care.
ReplyDeleteone thing that really helped me adjust to not being a working outside of the home mom was to really build a "community" for myself. i started a moms group! i needed friends, i needed a support system and i needed something to put my mind into. i LOVE to plan things, especially event type stuff. so i started the group. i planned special events, stuff for the kids, mom's nights out, etc. i made really awesome friends in the process too. it's also over the years given me the opportunity to mentor some younger/new moms as i've become more "seasoned" ;) i had a mom of a large family take me under her wing when i had my first and it was so valuable for me. i love having the opportunity to do the same for new mamas. good luck!
ReplyDeleteIt's a struggle, that's for sure. Last night at rehearsal I helped someone with something and he thanked me very genuinely. Rather than respond with "your welcome" and moving on, I said "Oh. So eight years of
ReplyDeletecollege aren't being wasted then." Oops. I explained right away that I meant it genuinely and that I only said it because I often wonder if my education IS being wasted.
My struggle is a little different, though, because I absolutely DO have something that keeps me busy/ challenged, but it doesn't pay. So my choices are- do that, be fulfilled as a person and an artist, making me a better Mommy, but not have enough money. Or- go to a part-time job somewhere at night to make more money while Ryan is home with Lily. But the jobs available with those hours are retail, food industry, etc... Sigh.
If mom isn't happy, nobody is happy right? You obviously do a good job taking care of your family. The question is: are you taking care of yourself? Only you can answer that question. Maybe the answer isn't a full time job -- perhaps an out-of-the home hobby or adult activity would do the trick.
ReplyDelete