When I was pregnant with Jackson, we got an ad in the mail for a dentist. On it was a creepy yet hilarious picture of a smiling bear. Like, with human teeth. So, I cut it out and hid it on Eric's pillow for him to find when he went to bed that night
The next morning, I found the picture taped to the milk in the fridge. This continued throughout my entire pregnancy. I'd put it on his car steering wheel, he'd put it on my laptop screen. Sometimes days or weeks would pass before one of us would hide it again, but our little creepy bear was always ready to give us a laugh whenever we needed one. Well, one day, when I was about 38 weeks pregnant, I had had a very long day. I had a massage in the morning, had grouted tile and touch up painted the basement all day long, and then that night Eric and I went to Castle Rock to eat dinner and visit a friend. We came home and I had a glass of wine. My doctor told me it might be a good idea, to try and relax me. I was nice and relaxed from the wine, and I took a warm bath, just to top off the relaxation. I got in bed around 11:55 and laid down for the night. At 12:00 on the dot I got a really bad cramp in my lower stomach....damn spicy food for dinner! I went to the bathroom, and felt a little better, but at 12:03, I got another cramp. I went to the bathroom AGAIN and felt a little better again. At 12:07 I got another cramp and went to the bathroom AGAIN. That is the LAST time I eat spicy food....I swear! By now, I have completely empty bowels, but I'm not feeling any better at all. These stomach pains are coming about every three minutes and are lasting about two and a half minutes each. I try to lay down, thinking I can sleep off this nasty bout of a stomach virus. It occurs to me that I might be in labor, but this isn't at all what I thought it would feel like. I was envisioning sharp, well.....vagina pain. This wasn't vagina pain at all. This was stomach pain, and was getting worse with every cramp! Eric walks in the room and I tell him that I might be in labor, but not to worry yet. I didn't want to be overly dramatic or think I'm in labor, and go to the hospital only to find out that I've got the shits and be sent home. So, he gets ready for bed and finally lays down. By about 12:30, I'm realizing that these cramps are coming harder and harder. They are still about 3 minutes apart, and they are lasting almost the entire 3 minutes. I get up to go to the bathroom again, completely doubled over in pain (as doubled over as a full term pregnant girl can be) and I walk in the bathroom to find this picture taped to the mirror:
Oh My God! I'm in so much pain, but this is so funny. Laughing certainly isn't helping the pain factor, but I manage to wobble back into the bedroom to tell Eric "nice try, but this really fucking hurts and I'm quite sure I'm in labor". After waiting the traditional hour of contractions, I have Eric call the doctor at exactly 1:00 a.m. She finally calls back around 1:45 and tells us to go to the hospital. Fortunately, we live pretty close to the hospital, but on the 10 minute drive there, I was positive I was in labor. We get there and they don't have my file, so I sit in the triage unit on the labor and deliver floor for about 2 hours answering questions about my medical history and being hooked up to a monitor. My blood pressure was sky high, so they made me lay flat on my back. That's the worst possible position to be in when your having a contraction. All I wanted to do was curl up in a little ball. By now, I'm transitioning. Shaking, dry heaving, delusional. Once they got me admitted, they gave me an IV, drew my blood and called my doctor and told her to get here quick. They paged the new love of my life (the anesthesiologist) and we all sat there, waiting to get the okay to do the epidural from the lab. As soon as the nurse got the call, I got my epidural and was immediately happy again. My face itched like crazy and I was still shaking uncontrollably and dry heaving, but at least I wasn't in pain any more. About 15 minutes later I was fully dilated and ready to have the baby. We sat around for another half hour, waiting for the doctor to get here and around 5:30 a.m. this little guy came into the world.