For all renters......you're welcome.....

As a rental property owner/manager, I've seen lots of interesting people come through perspective rental homes. We own everything from a 60K condo to a 450K single family home, and I've gotta say, stupidity crosses all socioeconomic boundaries. Stupid people never cease to amaze me. So, speaking from personal experience, I have written a "how to" (so to speak) for renters.

Dear Perspective Renter of ANY RENTAL PROPERTY EVER,

The following is a list of dos and donts when viewing a property/interviewing with a landlord:

* DON'T comment on how clean the house is compared to the one you are currently living in. Owner: "Sorry about the mess in the office, we are going through some paperwork before moving." Perspective renter: "Oh, this is nothing! You should see my place.".....yeah.....don't do that.

*DO keep control of your kids for the very short period of time you are viewing the property.

*DON'T show up late

*If you are going to show up late, DO call first

*If there is a "no pet" policy, DON'T ask if the landlord can make an exception for your great dane.

*DO shop in your price range. You are just wasting everybody's time by looking at a house you can't afford.

*DON'T waste people's time. It pisses them off.

*DO follow up after a showing. If the owner/manager took time to show you the property, the least you can do is let them know when you've found something else.

*DON'T be ambivalent. Seriously. It's a rental. For one year of your life. JUST MAKE A DECISION OH MY GOD!

*DO be honest and upfront.

*DON'T over share. Your perspective landlord really doesn't want to hear about your prostate cancer and how everything is in "working order" now.

*DO be polite.

*DON'T be the creepy guy that hits on random property managers.

*If you are viewing the property for the second time, DO make sure the house is in your price range. I know I already said this one, but seriously....you are just wasting everyone's time twice by seeing a house out of your price range...twice.

* DON'T show up to a showing in Denver wearing a Charger's jersey. That is grounds for immediate ejection from the house.

*If you DON'T speak English, DO stop talking in Spanish after I've told you I don't speak Spanish. I can't tell you how many times people have asked me if I speak Spanish, I say no, and then they continue on talking in Spanish. Isn't the word "no" the same in both languages?

My son

When I found out I was pregnant, I went into the doctor's office and they ordered up a full set of blood work, like they do for every expecting mom. By the time the results came back, I was about 7 weeks along. The results came back showing that I had severe hypothyroidism. The doctor had me retested, just to be sure, since I wasn't showing any of the signs of most hypothyroid people, and by the time I went in, got the blood work done again, waiting for the results to come back (which had the same results), went back to the doctor for a consultation and got my prescription filled, I was about 8 weeks along. By this time, I had done plenty of research on the internet about the effects of having untreated hypothyroidism during pregnancy. The things I read ranged from kids being practically brain dead, to having a slightly lower IQ than they would have had otherwise. I also read that after the first trimester, the baby has it's own thyroid and produces it's own hormones. But, until then, the baby is solely relying on Mommy's thyroid hormones. Well, that's good. I was only 8 weeks along and I had already started taking my medicine. The problem was, it takes 4 weeks for the medicine to start working the way it should. After doing some basic math (that can be pretty difficult for pregnancy brain) I calculated that my baby would get one week of the hormones he needed, instead of twelve.

I really didn't stress about this too much. I knew that, no matter what, my baby would be great, and I really wasn't worried about his IQ being a few points lower. I mean, his daddy is a freakin' rocket scientist! I'm sure he can spare a few points.

So, now I have this amazing two year old, that is, in no way, brain dead. I doubt that his IQ is even lower. But I can't help but compare him to his little friends. I know. I know. I should never compare my kid to other kids, and I really don't make a habit of it. But sometimes, in a moment of weakness, I'll find myself doing it. Jackson had his little neighbor friend over today, who is, essentially the same age as him. His friend was playing with a toy that sang the ABC song, and he was singing right along! I couldn't believe it! Jackson calls them the BBB's and only knows the ending phrase letters. The rest are just B's. "B B B B B B GEEEEE, B B B B B B B B PEEEEEE, B B ESSSSSSS, B B VEEEEEE, B EXXXXXX, B AND ZEEEEE!" It's absolutely adorable, and I have no doubt that he will learn the actual letters sooner rather than later. But, when I see a little boy his age, and he knows all of the letters, I can't help but feel like it's my fault that Jackson doesn't know all of the letters too. I even told Eric at dinner tonight that I thought we should be working on the alphabet more with Jackson. So, after dinner, we all sang the alphabet song about twenty times.

Yesterday, we hosted a neighborhood party at our house. Another neighbor said that she heard her son (who is also the same age as Jackson) count, by himself, all the way to 13. Another mom said that her son can only count to 10. Jackson? He can only count to 5....on a good day. Usually he just says 1,2,3 GO! (It's so darn cute when he does it though) Looks like I've failed as a mom again. Potty training? Nope! Not even close. In fact, I think he rather enjoys crapping in his diaper.

But here is where MY son stands above the rest. He is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle two year old boy I know. He happily shares his toys. He always says please and thank you. He plays nice with his friends. He has an excellent jump shot. And he is the best hugger on the face of the earth....seriously.....he even makes the grunty/squeezy noise when he hugs you.

He is so perfectly perfect, I couldn't ask for a better son. And he will learn to count, and say his ABCs and know his colors, and start to read, and do math, and go to school. And before I know it he won't be my little boy anymore, and I'll wish he still said his BBBs. So, whenever I see a little one his age, who is doing something that he doesn't know how to do yet, I'll stop myself, and get an extra long hug from the best hugger on the face of the earth.....seriously.....

If you think I'm offensive,

you should see my two year old. My son came out of the womb flipping the bird.
He has always favored his middle finger. Even ultrasound pictures show him with his middle finger up. Here he is, just two weeks old. Isn't he adorable?
It didn't stop at 2 weeks though. It continued even after his first birthday


And his second birthday

He points with his middle finger.

He pushes buttons with his middle finger.

He even dances with his middle finger!

It's not just his bird flipping that is offensive though, it's his derogatory language too! Eric and I never use the terms that he uses, and he doesn't know that he is saying things wrong, but he regularly does. For starters, he can't say his "L" sound. So, his cousin Lily is "Yiyi". He "yoves" us, and Big Bird is the color "yeyyow". It's super cute until he shouts out that he sees a flag, with his middle finger up in the air, in public, and says "fag!" The other night, before bed, he was looking out the open window and shouts out the window "goodnight fag!" to a neighbor's house with a flag in front. We've tried to tell him that it's not a nice word, but without being able to say his "L"s he just doesn't understand why he can't say "flag". I must admit, though, it was pretty damn funny when I was watching this video and he saw it and started pointing to the OSU band and cheerleaders and saying "fags! fags!". "Yes, honey. That's right" is all I can say.

He also has a hard time with the "R" sound. Forks are "fucks". Which really sticks out when he says it in a restaurant. He also tends to say the dominant sound in a word first. A waffle is a "fadda". Pizza is "zippa", and for some reason the word basement he says as "midget". Sigh.....

What to do about Red?

Okay, I need your help. I'm in another predicament and I'm not sure what to do. A few years ago I started getting emails from a guy named "Red". Now, you should know, I don't know anyone named Red. I figured it was spam, and tried to block it over and over. The emails were all silly forwards. Stupid old people jokes, but they were addressed to ME. Like he knew me. It wasn't causing too much trouble, even though I was getting about 10 of them a day, I'd just delete them and go on checking my email. Every once in a while, I'd get a terrible forward. Making fun of gay people, or blacks, or Mexicans, or Obama (I get LOTS of those). It would piss me off, but that's what the delete button is for. Well, now I'm starting to get personal emails from him. Ones directed to his close family and friends about how he is battling lung cancer and he and his wife are selling their house because her health is bad too. I keep getting these updates. (There house went under contract in about two weeks and he's having surgery the beginning of November, then they will move into an assisted living facility.) Here's my problem. I've been getting these emails for so long, it would be so awkward to tell him that I'm not who he thinks I am. Almost like I've been eavesdropping on his life for the last three years. But if I don't tell him he must think the Michele Best that he thinks he is emailing is a total bitch to not respond to his ailment and troubles.

What should I do?

Oh Crap....

And I'm not talking about the backlash from posting my "I Hate OSU" video on You Tube. (Although OSU folks are taking it rather personally) No, it's not the video. I have a much bigger issue right now. I have agreed to do a dualthon with a friend. This is a run-bike-run race. And it's in less than two weeks. TWO WEEKS! She said she was looking for someone to do it with her. Now, keep in mind, that I don't run. Ever. I run if someone is chasing me. Or if Jackson's ball rolls into the street. That's all. I hate running. And I haven't ridden a bike since before I was pregnant with Jackson. So, why did I agree to this? A momentary lapse of judgement, perhaps? I don't do drugs, so I know it wasn't that. I've always looked at running as something I can't do. I've never understood marathon runners and how they can possibly run so far and for so long. I've always told myself that if I could run a marathon, I could do anything. Literally anything. I've always daydreamed about how proud I would feel if, after all these years of telling myself I can't do it, I did do it. This race is far from a marathon or triathalon. It's a 2 1/2 mile run and a 6 1/2 mile bike. Something most runners would scoff at. But still. If I can do this, perhaps I could run a 5K. And if I could run a 5K, perhaps I could run a half marathon. And if I could run a half marathon, maybe, someday, I could run a full marathon. Maybe I will find that I actually enjoy running. So, this is something that I am doing for me. To prove that I can. If I have to walk, then I'll walk, but I will finish it and I will push myself as hard as I can to finish as fast as I can.

Why I hate Ohio State

I really hate Ohio State. Really. So, I made a video blog about why. Now, if you are an Ohio State fan, don't go getting all sensitive on me. This doesn't mean I hate YOU, it just means I hate a team you root for. Chill.

Ohio fans, enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVsTWV67zaw

I'm SO okay....

Wow! August 26th is the last time I blogged. That's 15 days. 15 DAYS! I'm such a blog slacker. It's also been 14 days since I watched other kids. I don't think this is a coincidence that I've stopped blogging since stopping watching kids. Although I haven't been overly busy, I haven't been confined to the house either. Almost every day, I've gone out. Gone to a friend's house. Gone shopping. Gone to the park. Whatever. And even on those days that I haven't gone out, I'm much happier because it's my choice to stay in and not something I have no control over. (Have I mentioned I'm a bit of a control freak?) My mind has also been occupied lately with our move. We are still in our big, expensive house, but we've had lots of showings and I'm still hopeful that the move will happen. I'm SO ready to start fresh. Scale down. Live a new, more simple life. I'm selling so much at our garage sale. Furniture, dishes, clothes. You name it, I'm probably going to try to sell it. Some of it will be replaced with new things, and some we will just do without. And I'm so okay with that.