Who takes care of sick Mommies?

Our whole family is sick, including me. Here's a little picture I drew depicting my life right now......

U Scan

I think you should have to take, and pass a test to be able to use the U-Scan at the grocery stores. (You know, where you can check out yourself) The whole point of those things is so you can just get it done yourself and get it done fast. However, when all 6 U-Scans are being used by people who clearly have never used, or even seen a cash register before, it defeats the purpose. (Hey Old Lady on U-Scan #4, YOU HAVE TO PUT THE SHIT IN THE BAG AFTER YOU SCAN IT....NOT YOUR CART! And while I'm at it, distracted mother of 5 on U-Scan #1, IT'S NOT CUTE TO LET YOUR KIDS DO THE SCANNING AT 5:30 PM, DURING THE BUSIEST TIME OF DAY. Oh, and you, Mr. "I just got back from the gym, and now I'm buying a protein shake" on U-Scan #3, IT'S A TOUCH SCREEN...YOU DON'T HAVE TO POUND ON THE SCREEN LIKE IT'S GOT BUTTONS) I also think that if you have ever worked as a cashier before, you should get a pass that sends you right to the front of the line. I promise...I'm faster than you are....

The moral of the story....if you don't know how to use it, DON'T USE IT. If you want to learn, go shopping in the middle of the night and practice.

Goldfish, Thongs, and the Cutest Sweater Ever!

I have the day off work today, which means there is no way I'm staying cooped up at home all day. The only problem is that Jackson has a pretty nasty cold right now, so playing with friends was out of the question. I decided putting him in his stroller and taking him to the mall would be a good idea. I mean, honestly, how many people could he infect from his stroller, right? We're at the mall and he's doing great riding in the stroller. We get to the food court and I get Panda Express. I have my Orange Chicken bowl and medium Pepsi on my tray in one hand and I'm pushing Jackson in the stroller with the other hand. This, by itself, should be an Olympic sport, but then my receipt falls off the tray. I bend down to pick it up with my cat like balance and my Pepsi slides to the edge of the tray. It doesn't fall off. All is good. (Why, you ask, didn't I just leave the receipt on the ground? Because my mom taught me that it's not okay to just drop something and leave it there, and the 110 taught me to leave everything cleaner than I found it, these 2 things combined have turned me into a rather neurotic person, but that's a different blog) By now, several people are watching me do my balancing act. I start to think that maybe instead of staring, they could HELP me. I get about 5 feet from an empty table and 2 guys come up to me and ask if I need help. I was almost to the table by that point, so I declined. But thank you 2 random guys, for restoring my faith in humanity. Jackson and I are sitting and eating, when a lady comes up to me and asks if she could sit at our 4 person table. I look around and there are TONS of empty tables all around us, but what was I supposed to say, "no"? So, I just look at her and say "uhhhhhhh.....sure". She sat down and didn't say another word, just ate her fried wontons very loudly. We finished lunch and Jackson is still doing well, so I decide to walk around some more. I gave him a big plastic container filled to the top with goldfish crackers. THAT should hold him over for a while! We go to Baby Gap, The Children's Place, Hannah Anderson, Janie and Jack, and Gymboree. All of the places where kids are welcome. He's doing so well....such an angel sitting in his stroller, looking around, keeping his hands to himself. He's doing SO well, in fact, that I think he could go to a grown up store, without causing any problems, so we head to a favorite store of mine....Victoria's Secret. I walk in and the sales person (who had a BAD case of the hiccups, BTW) tells me all about their specials. Then Jackson decides to pick up his giant container of goldfish and dump the entire thing on the floor....of Victoria's Secret....So there I am, on my hands and knees, picking up goldfish. Meanwhile, Jackson thinks this is great and is finding everything else in his reach to throw on the floor so I can pick it up. Thongs, even more crackers, his milk, bras....everything. We hauled ass out of there. I just want to make one last stop through Macy's. I don't really like that store that much, but I'll just do a quick loop through, then we'll head home. That's when I saw it! THE CUTEST SWEATER EVER!!! It was a light gray ruffled cardigan, and they had 1 small left. I stood there admiring it and another lady comes up with light gray jeans in her hand and starts looking at it too. I tell her, "I'm so in love with this sweater!" She said she likes it too and she was going to get it in oatmeal, but now that she's getting these gray jean, she thinks the gray sweater would be better. I tell her that they do go together well, and .....wait, did she say they have it in other colors? I go around there corner to see what other colors they have it in. I found the oatmeal one, but gray really is more my style, so I go back to pick it up and THAT BITCH TOOK MY SWEATER! And there is no effing way she could even fit into a small anyway, who is she kidding?! I make a dive for the last oatmeal colored one, try it on, and it's just as cute on me as on the hanger! I call my sister and mom to get their opinion (which, really just means have someone tell me I really do need the sweater, so I don't feel so guilty) they both tell me I should get it. I get to the check out, and the cashier gives me a coupon for 20% off! It's fate! We were meant to be together.

My love affair with the label maker!

Am I a clean freak? I would say no, I hate cleaning. I love having a clean house, so I DO clean, but I hate it every step of the way. I keep it clean enough so that when people come over to our house, I'm not completely embarrassed, but I almost NEVER make the bed and I have mountains of laundry to do, at all times.

What I do love is organizing. I could get lost in The Container Store. I love when everything has a place and those places are labeled! Before I was a mom, I was told by moms that once I have a baby, I'll have to just let stuff go and have a messy house. NOPE! IT GOT WORSE! Now I have a toddler that I have to keep the house organized for. I mean, God forbid he not know which container his binkies go in, or to have an exact place for all of the memorabilia, baby supply receipts and manuals, outgrown clothes, too big clothes, sheets, sheet protectors, changing pad covers, safety supplies, first aid supplies, travel supplies, pool supplies, extra diapers, extra wipes.....I think you get the point. My favorite organized place in the house is my shoe closet...yes I said shoe closet. It's an entire closet, designated just for shoes. I was willing to give up my linen closet for this shoe closet. Every shoe has a clear plastic box and every clear plastic box has a picture of the shoes that go inside on it. People make fun of me, but I always know where my shoes are....who's laughing now?


Now if I could only get my husband on board the organizational train in his domain.....

Heaven on a cracker

The other day the family was out at Sam's Club getting some chicken and there were samples of this spreadable sharp cheddar cheese. Of course I took some....and YUM! Wow! It's like heaven, spread on a cracker! It was $10 for a tub of heaven, so I bought it. It was my lunch yesterday and my breakfast today. I ripped off the label already, so I can't see how bad it is for me and threw it in the trash. Then, while eating that yummy goodness for breakfast today I thought "I wonder when this stuff expires....". So, I pulled the label out of the trash.....best by April 7, 2011. Okay, I took my sharpie marker and wrote on the bottom of the tub 4-7-201.... Wait, did that say 2011? No, that can't be possible. It's cheese, cheese is supposed to go bad. I pulled the label out of the trash again, and sure enough, this stuff doesn't go bad for over a year. And even then, it didn't say it expires then it just says best by then. Oh, well. I wrote down the last 1 on the tub and continued to eat. When I thought I'd had an unhealthy amount, I put the lid back on the tub and read it. It said "spreadable sharp cheddar cheese food"......food? Why the need to put "food" on the end? Is it really so borderline not food that they needed to clarify? I'm sure I'll still finish off the tub in record time....

Copy Catters

Hey TLC, I'm a big fan, but I'm terribly disappointed with your new shows "Addiction" and "Hoarders: Buried Alive". Those shows already exist. They are called "Intervention" and "Hoarders" and they are on A&E on Monday nights. As a matter of fact, you've done this before. TLC has "Cake Boss" The Food Network has "Ace of Cakes". TLC has "LA Ink" A&E has "Inked". Not to mention all of the other real estate and decorating shows that are a spitting image of shows on HGTV. I'll agree that you have been a leader on many shows that have copied you, but that should just make you want to come up with your own ideas even more.

And since I'm on the subject, when I watch "Little People, Big World", it bugs the CRAP out of me how messy their house is. How is that okay? You are on national television, making money....hire a housekeeper already!

Gardening, Christmas Lights and Mixed Tapes

They say, in Denver, not to plant your flowers until after Mother's Day, because it will drop below freezing at some point and you'll lose them. But, I'm SO ready to plant my flowers now! I don't garden....at all. But that's beside the point!

I took Jackson and another little boy I watch, on a long walk today. It's beautiful outside, 60 degrees and sunny. Not too shabby for March 3rd! I love days like today where I can put my headphones on and just walk and think. The boys are usually really great during walks too, but if they aren't, I just turn the music up louder....

I saw a house with Christmas lights still up. Granted, they were very nicely hung and still looked good, but, it's March. Time to stop finding excuses for why you can't get on the roof, and get your ass up there and take them down! If we leave our trash can out until Tuesday morning, we get a notice of violation from the HOA, yet these clowns still have their Christmas lights up in March? Com'mon!

While walking, and thinking, and listening to music, I started thinking about "back in the day" when we used to make mixed tapes for people. Now that was a great gift! First was the time and effort put into picking out the songs. (That alone could take days) Then you had to collect all of the songs from all of your tapes laying around and cue the songs up just right, so that they started at the right time. You'd push "Play" on one side of your dual tape player and "Record" on the other side, where your blank tape was, and sit and listen to the song while it recorded. Then you'd do that same thing, with like, 15 more songs. Then, you'd have to go back and relisten to the entire thing, just to make sure they all actually recorded and you didn't accidentally tape over something. But, before you could give your tape away, you'd write down all of the songs on the outside cover of the tape holder. This whole "mixed tape" project would take an entire evening or more. Once it was finished, you'd have to wait until you saw the person to give it to them. Nowadays, if I want someone to hear a song, I go online, find the song, and email it to them. It takes less than a minute. If I want to find the lyrics to a song to send someone, I google them, copy them and paste them. Back in the day, I'd listen to a song over and over again so I could write down the lyrics for someone: rewind, play, STOP.... rewind, play, STOP..... rewind, play STOP!

I love technology and how it makes the world a smaller place, but sometimes, it would be nice to have those days back, and have someone take the time to make me a mixed tape.